i hate

it's been three days and we haven't seen any of our lecturer
that supposed to be in class..

wutever..i hope they know wut they're doing because this is our future
ok and when it comes to my future you have to be serious about that..i mean what's going to happen to all that kete takde atap and penthouse dgn org gaji yg took care all of it..tht my future we're talking about..

if everyone in the world know their job perhaps the world will be
a better place..

i have just finish another chic lit..it's another one from sophie kinsella..
can you keep a secret.

ntah aku pon tak tau..sejak akhir2 nih aku read too much sentimental and watch those kinds of movies..god why can't my roomate shut up!!!

it's not like i'm in the conversation too..fuck..i'm irritated..
i've been watching meteor garden again..i knoe..tapi da three days takde mende nk buat..

okay 'can you keep a secret' was just okay i guess..ntah aku takde laa rase bes sgt kowt..maybe becoz starting from the beginning aku da imagine Jack Harper is an old guy..yeah seriously.and there's nothing interesting in making out with an old guy..

so tadi plak tgk honey and clover..the songs reminds me of some old time..slalunye tgk honey and clover bile bru lepas minom soyabean ngn cincau yg bli kat pasar malam..sebab dudlu honey and clover kat animax every wednesday..

it was nice back then..but still suck sometimes sebab kat skola slalu kene attack ngn ustazah yg sound aku sebab bawak walkman..taulah ko xde, jelesla tuh..

tadi klas titas pon lecturer tak masok..ntah ar..masok2 je satu klas pandang aku macam ape..pada hal bukan aku buat ape2 pon..i just don't get it man, wut's wrong with people and staring..don't u know it's rude to stare..u don't have to go to school to learn that..that's a total common sense..
dah la tu klas titas, tamadun islam okeh..tak yah la buat perangai mcm kaper plak..
ade aku kaco ko berak ke yg ko nk pandang org semacam..ade aku tgk bontot kurap ko..
xde kan?

hah dah tuh bek off laa..halamak.bitch
so wutever man..

dah laa komputer aku ni macam corrupt when it comes to connecting to the internet..
yeah tough luck..

sometimes there's stuff yg buat aku feel like i'm so small and uncomfortable..

ntah llike the times when i can not predict what happens next..and when i don't know what's going on..

i hate it when it happens..that just totally kills me so much..

i hate it when i have to be nice becos i'm not..i hate being nice..i hate it when people ask stuff that's already obvious..i hate it when i can read between the lines and evryone else can't.
i hate feeling bad all the time when i fail.. i hate it when people are so insensitive and unflexible..i hate it when you can't make up for the corruption or shall i say the haywireness of ur system when evrything is in a mess and the schedule is overlapping to each other and that's like a big annoyance and prove how incompetent the whole university are..

i hate it when people just believe in what they want to all the time because sometimes it's obviously wrong, i mean their beliefs..
i hate it when people don't try at all..

i just hate the whole idea of this university..

another semestar another hell

dudlu mase dekat matrik, mase naik semester bru,
aku slalu bayangkan yg sem bru mcm new season dlm tv series.

lepastuh musti ade one of us yg da tukar rambut bru mcm farah and diana an then
musti ade yg bli gadget bru sebijik mcm new season dlm drama versi lebey matang..

pastuh tini slalu panggil aku 'sabrina season2' sebab konon2 semester bru nih mcm season 2.
mase kat maktab aku lagi excited nk balek asrama dpd balek umah
..
tapi now it's totally different..
i don't feel like coming back here at all..

now its another semestar to take..

god i have always hate this palce..

fine..this is jus another face to carry on..
i'll get over this and survive..

the start of the second semestar during our time was so much intriguing
than this..

we're like characters that grown so much in a series and even in real life..

and now i'm trying mybest to go through this phase in my life..

this is a phase sabrina..

i miss maktab..i miss matrik..

i miss my young teenage years when i was so stupid that i don't have to
think about anything that will scare me away because i have people around me..people who will always have my back..

wutever i'm reading another chick lit 'can you keep a secret'..

i'll finished it soon and get begin this semstar like everyone else in Malaysia..

i mean this is Malaysia and things will never change here..

yeah wutever

'i am me' phase

i've just finish another chick lit.
confession of a shopaholics..
it's get boring these days..so aku bace gakk buku yg da lame aku x bukak tuh..
mase bkn holiday arituh nk bukak buku tuh pon perit..
becoz u know me and books=never work out..
tapi ok la jugak..

wut i really think is to read this book, it was okay,,xde laa bes sgt tapi ok..
mak aku pon macam pelik kowt watching me reading the whole journey back home tapi
i just got into it and can't stop..

i can say yg reading not so bad afterall if i have the time and space and the rite book..i need it actually..i dunno, maybe because it makes u have different views about things and for people like me yg mmg isit pikr je, it makes me think a lot more..

i'm actually in a phase in my life yg trying to learn more about me and try to accept a lot of harsh facts about myself..i know it's rather late for that but atleast i began to realise i shud work things out a little since i have been hibernating quite sometime for some space..so this is it..still coping..and this is not over yet, i mean the phase..

so about the book..it was a british books of course.only in the movie it makes it look like it's an american story..well not at all..
they even used british words that i used to remember using back then..
like:

"i don't fancy you"
and some other.i just read a book..i guess i'll start reading other book..i'll try..
maybe 3 book for the next month..this is just an aim..ok.no pressure..

and rite now totally listening to sunday morning by maroon 5..
i like the song actually.. alot..
and tadi aku tgk 'wanted' for the first time and started to make sounds like
'adoi'
'saket tuh'
'halamak kene tembak!'

and then my mom came out with that look like she sees mating lions..
wutever i'm not mating and i'm not lions..

got a message from not-so-spiritful diana this morning..
n then aku pon bagi laa tips mcm biase..tips berkesan you all(gaye azwan ali-so gay)

2 more weeks and i'm done

i've been talking to some old classmates..it's really good to hear something from those people..it's been years since i last saw them.

rite now i have this craving for something sweet yet savory..like cheese..i need to eat something with cheese.i've been craving for that..i have two kids tomorrow..
so i have to wake up early..

and there is hakim teliing me:

hakim:tadi abg da doa(call himself abg)

me: ko doa ape ha bangang?

hakim: abg doa supaye hazim tak berak sepah2 lagi.

me: hmmm..bagos laa tapi jgn betau org doa ko tuh nnti x makbul..

and then there's hazim:

hazim: kekadang hazim rase mcm hazim ni anak angkat laa

me:mane ko tau?

hazim: yelah sebab hazim putih tpi korng sume itam..

me: a'ah mmg ko anak angkat, kitorng amek ko kat dlm incubator keling yg bru lahirkan anak die tuh..jadi ko tuh anak keling paham?!
anak keling mmg rase dri die putih..

and then i've just watch awan dania yg bodo tuh..tapi aku tgk je jugak..dgn si hakim yg tak habes2 komplen ckp die x paham asal org dlm cite tuh ketawe bknnye klako pon..

die mmg ade problemm dgn people punye joke sbb die slalu xpaham ape yg klako..and he's a clean freak..that's why he pray for, cleanliness..

wutever,

i'm beginnig to worry about my final semestar results..

so to avoid that..i've been sleeping the whole day and sing we belong together the whole day..yeah thats lame.

got to get to sleep..

the list of song that i really want to sing out loud rite now:

1. we belong together taylor swift
2. fearless
3. one last breath creed
4. some backstreet boys cheesy stuff..

yeah that will be great..

pour it out

Okay aku betol2 have an enough sleep..aku tido 8 jam sharp..which end me up by waking at 3 petang..ntah pastuh mlm tak boley tido pulak..
Rase mcm nk talk to people plak..

Tetibe rase idop aku senyap..shit !

Maryam pon on9 mcm tak on9 je..da lah tulis status mcm tnye mane sume org tapi bile org ym x reply plak.huh geram..aku bako kang umah ko bru tau.

Aku tgk a bunch of movies and drama on9 and of course some stupid Malay drama yg ade kat astro ria..its for the bashing and comedy to laugh to most of the time..
I mean beside the purpose of me myself yg bash it and take it as some piece of crap, who the hell would wanna watch those show..kamon lah people..aku berani bet laa takde org tgk KAU dan AKu yg dibintangi oleh budak2 AF aka mila gedik bajet comel,ckap mcm ckp dlm kelambuskrip totally doesn’t make sensejln cerite bodoh and full of comedy dgn si aril yg rambot tibe2 bjet edgy tenaik2 nmpak sgt 3 botol punye hair gel and then akim yg isit berpeluh and thenraja farah yg jadi jahat nk mock people all around da lah nk panggil org ‘super freak’ pronounce ‘super frek’ last2 kene mock dgn me and my sister.yeah hilarious..i could go on you know..

The point is aku TAK TAHU wut is even the purpose of the drama.maybe die rase da nk dekat fail tapi continue just to end it safely..siape yg take that kind of thing seriously..kamon sape?!
Okeh jgn nk bullshit bole tak, bile buat cite, dah laa bende tuh membazir duet..bayangkan bape bnyak org2 kat Malaysia ni yg masih kelaparan and dlm kemiskinan..and then some moron can just spend money away I mean a lot of money untok satu projek bodoh yg tak cukup homework mcm drama series kau dan aku tu..
Yeah wutever geli aku tgk muke mila on screen evrytime die nk bajet innocent budak kampong yg dtg kat kl nk blajo muzik..and again budak kampong innocent mane yg kale rambot? Huh lagi satu bende bodo yg illogical.
Wutever.wtf

Okay and then there’s kamelia Katrina yg dibintangi oleh seorng pompuan yg sgt kaku.dah lah watak die kaku,acting pon kaku, hah mmg kaku la ko!! Dialog tak abes ‘saye taknak keruhkan keadaan’..
Aku pon tak paham mcm mane story tugh develop sebab tak abes2 bende same je..ari2kene buli ngn kakak n then esok same..ntah cite bodo jenis ape tuh!!
Mmg laa bende tuh untok komedi aku je tapi sometimes bile mmg btol2 terlalu bodo buat aku sick lagi ade..yeah I feel sick..
I’m sick with astro!
Yeah..we don’t spend a hundred bucks a month for some piece of shit!!
Yeah u heard me..totally full of shit!!
Hahh aku benci ko!!!
Emo plak pagi2 bute nih.

okay.
aku baru je abes tgk cite korea yg memule mcm best pastu rupe2nye as the story develop tak best sgt and boring.

fine let's proceed..
okeh cite 'who are you' tu boring and da stat lembap bile the story starts to develop tapi aku tgk je sebab aku perlukan cerite cinte yg sedey and abadi for the moment walapon takde laa abadi sgt..

so korng tak payahlah tgk cite mcm tuh..in the meantime, aku tenga upload lagi 2 cite cinte abadi, romantik yg bole menitiskan airmate(mungkin laa).
hope this works..
entah i guess i just needed something that can get my mind of stuff and pade mase yg same mengisi mase lapang yg perlukan sebuah kisah cinte abadi..hmm..bukan cinte abadi ye, kisah cinte..now i sounded like diana..

wutever anyway.

aku tenga pikir2 brape bnyak lagi bende dlm list yg aku nk buat tapi belom dapat buat lagi..i mean in this age, aku thought of doing tapi still belom get a chance too..
okay that will be a secret..

it's disember and next year i'll be twenty soon..

cmne ek nk buat..
20 mcm da grown up and tak remaja sgt.
n then aku da tak young and gorgeous lagi..
takpe i will not age.
you guys gonna see me still hot in another 10 years from now..

hahah.

it's really weird these days that i hardly come out of my room..
i dunno why.
i just feel like locking myself uup and mengadap the laptop the whole day.
each day.pastuh kurang bersosial dgn kluarge.
tv pon da jarang watch..
slalunye i'm a tv addicts.
i guess somehow i just need to be by myself.
bende tuh mcm pelik gile becoz i never ever know what privacy or
feeling like being alone means..

it's sad.
bkn nk exaggerate ke ape tapi sometimes bile kuar bilek tgk your family,
then bru realise dah nk kat satu ari u haven't speak to them..
i don't wanna be a loner..
i guess i'm just used to it in ukm.
i don't want to stay that way but this makes me feel comfortable.

oh shit!!
i'm becoming a hot cave women.
wut's next perhaps i'll wear skin clothes too..
n then i'll eat unfrozen cooked meat.
and then i'll grow beard,
and then i dunno how to speak humans anymore..

i was just clearing up my inbox last night,maksud aku inbox phone aku becoz memory phone aku da totally unable to store message sejak due tige taun lepas.

n then aku come across some old message.some from my old classmates in maktab and then my gang and then some dpd matrik..

bende2 nih memang da lame pown dlm inbox aku
'psycho ko buat ape'
'ni aku la babi'
'geek tenga buat ape takkan berbual ngn rumate kowt'

hmm tu mcm biase la dpd waheeda.

n then

'sabrina ari ni aku nanges due kali satu ptg,satu mlm, sedey sebab ckp ngn lifi'
'sabrina bacteria ape yg ade kat kemaluan kite'
'nyah mulot ko mmg longkang kann, aku tengah bakar daging nih nak pegi berkelah'
'sabrina amir ade kat court ni, turonla'

musti la si diana

n then
'nyah kenape idop mu hepi, idop aku x'
'nyah nape takde org suke aku,pdahal aku cntek'
'nyah aku tenga mkn mi kari sekor2, xde org nk layan aku'

tini of kos..

ntah laa takyah bace recipient pon aku bley agak sape..

it just brings back memories..
wutever..wtf

i really need this

okeh skang serius shit aku mmg desperate tahap
ghaban nk BLOG!

i'm freaking out.

rite now.i'm freaking out..

aku freak out smpai aku ter blog kat search engine google tadi.

HAHAHAHHA.

okay aku terbace sebuah blog yg buat aku geli tertibe..
tak tau asal tapi sgt geli ya'll(gye nyah kat lorng aji taib)
ntah org kapel mmg cmtu kowt,
show devotion for love and crap.duhh..
okay aku takkan katekan dgn lebey lanjut becos aku rase
klw aku kapel pown mmg mcm tu kowt nnti..i dunno.

tpi kan nyah, knape nk picture diri jadi wife org kat blog,
dah laa boyfriend die tu mcm agak gile seks.okay post kali ni tercensored sket..

ntah aku pon tak bley nk imagine klaw diorng get together nnti macam mane(i mean get married okay)

aku ter freak out sebab bayangkan bende merepek kowt,
and then at the same time aku bukak cite korea die tenga adegan kissing
yg sgt lame and mcm taknak stop and then sgt rakus.

hmm malunye talking about this..

hisy!!
tak tau ke cerite cm tuh musti la org tengok!!
blog musti laa org bace!!
especially ko ckp cmtuh!!

malu la!!

alah aku tau takde sape paham tapi aku rase malu..

dengan my sis yg masok bilek ten minutes ago nk kutip utang..
hmm biase la tuh..
aku ingatkan kaye sgt.

pnjam 5 ringgit je bukan 500.
pastuh ngn adik aku yg berak sepah2 satu umah bau taik..

pastuh mak aku yg membebel sebab adek aku cebok tak bersih,

and then isit ter come across adek aku punye that thing je
sebab die bru sunat and tak pakai suar all the tyme cos saket!!

pastuh tetibe my father trying to be friendly,talking about the how my teaching goes!!

aku freak out seh!

kekadang aku rase evryone handled it so well cume aku je
yg stuck up sket when it comes to being nice and showing emotion.

ntah ar this whole thing is freaking me out.

wut u see is wut u get

fine..
aku bknnye btol2 pon nk tulis blog with title cmni..
it's just that aku cm tenga totally listening to britney rite now,
and so there's this song named wut u see is wut u get..

cm catchy laa.
and aku bole totally nyanyi dpd mule smpai abes.
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA..
anyway ari nih raye aji,
like evryone knows.

and then it turns out raye aji kat pahang memang meriah.
it's really surprising to see this becoz before this aku mmg
tak pena experience this kind of thing, i mean kat johor totally
tak sambot sngat raye aji..

the same thing happen in terengganu and kelantan
diorng mmg sambot raye aji dengan meriah okeh y'all..
i cume bru fes time laa katekan experince mende cmni kann nyahh(gye nyahh)..

diana call me this morning nk tnye aku buat ape for the raye aji morning..
duhh..aku only pick it up when it's almost 1 p.m coz that tyme bru bgn.

and die cm tak abes2 nk spill kat aku ape die kedarah at the same time
complain yg isit die je yg kol aku all the tyme..
duhh wtever, sape yg kaye and dapat elaun jpa like
6k a month..

anyway aku da mkan:

1. laksa penang
2. ketupat tige segi
3. nasi lauk daging kicap
4. nasi impit and kuah kacang
5. ayam masak merah ngn nasi impit
6. mi soto
7 and soto

yeah wutever nk tgk attention please plak..

daa daa

epi raye aji..

gile bosan beb

i thought that a long rest,
i mean endless days of resting, nap and tv was evrythinh i needed..

but no.

not at all..

i feel hoplessly bored..

to death.

youtube nk dekat 1000 kali aku bkak..
after a long chat ngn waheeda

biha, some old friend,

and diana..

aku betol2 rase takde bende lagi aku bole buat,

why life is so boring.

mall pon boring.


ape je yg ade beside travelling..

i wish i can just travel anywhere i want..

god.

aku bru lepas mkn

1. burger special

2. nasi lauk lemak udang ngn nenas

3. mee hoon

aku boring tu yng aku mkn tu.
tau nabi ckp benti seblom kenyang..
ni da kenyang tapi tak benti2..
ntah aku bosan gile..

kann bagos klaw i'm damn rich cm diana.
da lame aku g jalan2 tanpe henti.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH

aku done two students today..

ingatkan teaching was easy..

fine.
yess i know wut it feels like now being a teacher

dengan yg sekoh isit pegi toilet je.
yg lagi seko isit picit2 kepale je

aku tnye die,
die tanye aku balek..

wtever.

anyway i've been chatting ngn nadya.

gile ar x bruba.

anyway rase sedey plak chat ngn die..

nape laa aku ade kwn2 bangang yg
anto mesej freaky tenga2 pagi

n masok kosmoworlds saje2 jerit buat2 thrill

sebab tak nak bazir duet rm32.

and then yg bagi tau ko heartbeat ko increase sebab slalu
minom nescafe mcm psycho

and then yg x habes2 bagitau ko baju ko harge brape ringgit sebab
die da jumpe baju yg same kat fos n siap bli lagi baju tuh..

and then yg mintak kete berlian untuk bufday die..

anyway i miss evryone.

i miss evryone in matriks

i miss my life back then so much..

aku ingatkan aku takde laa miss sgt matriks

tapi it was better back then..

ari tuh gi tgk wayang ngn bebudak aras aku..

it wasn't the same dgn tgk wayang ngn bebudak bangang
yg memekak dlm panggung..

i'm gonna be okay i guess..

people move on.

i have to move on.

i'm a teacher

okay my plan as i got back home is teaching.

yes i'm employed..
that's wut i do when i get a long holiday
i work..(becoz i love money)

anyway.
i'm teaching year 6 and form 4 stsudents..

they're kids..
really immature young kids.

so i'm their tutor.
just have to make sure they get the
grades they wanted.
that's my job.

i'm not a cold person but i don't get
really involved with each one of them.

i just teach.
that's all.
that's wut i do.

so the schedule for tomorrow is science.
i'm gonna teach the year 6 students science.
where i'm going to translate a bit the meaning in malay

and

distribute some past year upsr question to see how that go..
and now my job is to get fully prepared..

i'm going to put every new thing that matters
in these kids brains..

so wish me luck..

maksudnye aku ni a good teacher ea.

HAHAHAHAH

remember when we were kids..
n then we beat a kid up or actually bite them..

we say we're sorry..
because the teacher told us too..

but both of us knows that we're not..
we're not sorry at all..
saying sorry just infront of the teacher..

n we as a kid actually mean it..
mean on hitting people cause that's wut kids do..
it's a reflex action. just hit people when you're angry..

but as we grow up it's just as simple as that..
we don't say sorry when we don't mean it..
nobody is going to tell you to say sorry..

and as we step ahead there will be no more biting..

because it's unreasonable and irrational,
people will think you're lunatics or perhaps
a bunch of morons.

i dunno why but sometimes it's really
nice being a kid.

wonder why i wanna grow up so fast.
i miss the hitting part and the saying sorry even when
you don't mean it rather than just another
day surviving each other with a painfull
feeling..

when things just slipped and passed by, you just
remembered how great it was.
the past..

and now everything is about growing up.
thinking about wut is rite,
wuts appropriate.
and being professional..

it's tiring and sometimes i get sick of it..
doing the rite thing.
studying all the time..
i mean don't get me wrong i like doing it

but sometimes i thought there would be more to life
than just surviving your life as a student, being smart,
get your grades high,
worries for the exams,
comparing urself with evrybody's else score..
and the part when u explain the grades to ur parents, surviving pain-in-the ass classmates..

evrything is about aiming for a better future..
and then there's friendship..
perhaps the only thing that makes you stay alive.
have something to be happy about..

i dunno.
i hope i survive,
atleast i feel like i will survive..

and then by the time you get the job u wanted
that's all that matters..

and evry single tyme u've been spending with ur friends is
endless and will always be remembered.

i have just recieved the most weird text message from
ana..

she said sometyng about the camel that she kaitkan
dgn the frenship that all of us had during matrik..

she said she love us..
yeah she said that...


ow my god.
weyh korang!
ana ckp she love us!?!!
wut the hell is going on in this world??!

huh..penat

okay u guys takkan percaye sape aku jmpe kat time square tadi!!

HUSNA!!

aku jmpe husna..

husna yg bangang tuh..

perangai die pon tak bruba..
jalan2..
pastuh kitorng sembang2 n aku sgt excited sebab aku jmpe HUSNA
versi cikgu..

die tgk aku n then buat muke terkejot..

pastuh die ckp mende pling pelik dlm dunie ni..

'nape ko pkai mcm tu?'

aku pon ckp

'ape masalah ko bangang prangai tak bruba'

n then die tetibe ckp kuat2

'aku da bruba sabrina! aku tak bodoh cm dlu lagi'

nmpak sgt mmg same je bile die ckp cmtuh..
anyway penat gile balek time square..
tdi tgk pisau cukur..

xbes sgt pon.

aku mkn kenny rogers ngn kfc..
sume ayam kat time square aku mkn..

skang ni kene kemas2 plak..
esok da nk balek.

had fun laa jugak.

fuck betol!!
paper bio cell mcm cipan punye susa..

pergh aku punye laa bce bhgian metabolism tuh betol2 ea..
siap buat pass year lagi skali takleh jwb..

ntah laa.
da naseb kowt..
anyway penderitaan aku selame 5 minggu da berakhir..
aku da abes last paper..

skang ayam goreng kat time square tuh tenga tunggu aku..
da da~

korng punye turn plak nk suffer..

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAH

maria mercedes

dudlu mase aku darjah 5 cite maria mercedes famous sgt..
pastuh aku ade kwn name die intan, die suke sgt cerite tuh.

n then every morning die slalu tnye aku
tgk ke x episode smlm..

n then aku slalu tak tgk..
tpi kekadang aku tgk jugak bile die slalu sgt isit ckp2 je

smpailah satu ari mase b.i,
die tnye aku tgk tak episode maria mercedes smlm,

ckgu b.i aku mmg strict, so die marah kitorng ckp mase kelas die..
n then kitorng kene dende diri atas krusi..

pastuh intan bisik n nyanyi lagu maria mercedes kat aku
siap angkat2 kain mcm maria mercedes..
aku pon join skali, kitorng angkat2 kain
nyanyi lagu maria mercedes punye chorus..

mase part:
maria mercedes, maria mercedes
maria mercedes, maria mercedes

skali kantoi ckgu aku terpusing kat blakang n nmpak kitorng
gelak2 mase die ajo smbil joget maria mercedes..

pastuh satu kelas toleh kat blakang..
diorng sume gelak gile2..

pastuh last2 kene dende naik atas meje plak..
tadi aku nmpak gambo thalia dlm majalah.
tetibe tringat die..

hahahahha

fine i'm admitting this..
i'm judgemental..
i really am..

and sometimes i think it's right..

i judge people by the songs they listen too.
i judge people by their over the top dressing
and i do think it's relevent to judge people that way..

there's this girl that came over a couple of hours ago
in my friends room..
i was there..

she has this lower neck line tee
with a playboy necklace that she wore,
and there's this sharp eyeliner
with bobby style hair
and with the other side much shorter..

i don't want to judge that but
it's look like she's trying to hard to look
in..like totally look in the trend..

i thought it was ridiculous and pathetic..
and it's like too much for just another dinner in p.p
aka puri pujangga..

wutever anyway..

i better get back to reading..

i dunno why but i have a problem with people
with that kind of look..

i mean dude where's ur fashion sense?..
maybe perhaps did she just mislead or had the wrong fashion mag
or something..

i can't stop staring at her plunging neck line..
even in the photo it's there..

the curve of the lower part..
the cleavage..
like it's almost coming out..

God knows wut she's thinking..
wtever

ow my god..
fucking shit..
i think i'm gonna die out of boredom becoz
dpd petang tadi mengadap oxidative phosphorylation
yg cm siot complicatednye..

mcm mane ni aku daa start bosan..
i have to stadi more so that i'll score for
the final yg mcm siot nih..
bru abes due bab..
amat lembap nk memahamkan segale2 nye..
serabot kepale otak aku dowh..
naseb bek budak yg bazirkan megi aku tuh tak dtg..

so aku ter amat sangat membazir mase..
patotnye aku stadi paagi smpai mlm..
ni aku bgn lambat and ptg aku gap 1jam setengah..
mlm pon gap 1 jam setengah..
ni pon bru pas gap..

aku riso sbenonye nih beb..
wut am i gonna do..

this is serious la guys..
kamon ok.

ape aku nk bg anak aku mkn klaw aKU tak dapat score and then
tak dapat keje bagos n then mcm mane aku nk
pkai bmw yg atap die bole bukak tuh..
alah cmne nih..

this is future beb!!
i need a will that can keep me going..
going through the studying thingy..

i wanna be rich and ade bling2 mcm syikin..

hah tension beb..
skang ni nk masok topic enzyme yg mcm baghal
tuh.
hah cmne beb..
bape bnyak inhibitor yg aku kene ingat..
structure of atp synthase lagi,
cell buffering yg mcm siot tu lagi..

adoi urogenital disease and sexxually transmitted disease lagi beb.


macam maner nih!!!!!!

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!(tarek2 rambot)

huh.geram. fuck!

hah bengang laa!

aku tak tau lah mmg sejak akhir2 ni aku grumpy ke ape..
or aku ni isit nk melenting ke ape..
ntah ar bengang dowh..

datang bilek org ckp nk mkn meggi..
pastuh org da buat meggi nk mkn sesame tak nak makan plak..

mkn kuah je..
pergh bengang gile kowt..

aku tau laa tu cume megi je
cm budak2 plak nk bengang..
tpi aku bengang jgak..
bek awal2 ko ckp ko nk mkn kuah je..
dua bungkus aku buat..da lah tak abes..

kuah je abes..
pastuh die rase kuah nk dkat abes die pegi tambah
air..
habes laa tawar gile..

pastuh aku pon takde selere nk mkn..

padahal tu lah megi plg sedap dlm dunie yg aku pena buat..

pastuh da jadi tawar sebab ko la!!

n then ko taknak mkn plak sebab tawar sgt!!

membazir la bodo megi aku!

ko ingt megi murah ke haaaaaaaaaaa!!!


aku benci laa..
ntah..

da laa exam tadi susa..
pastuh xsempat nk stadi sebab aku stadi bende len..
n then bile aku nk stadi kimia mase tu, demam plak..

btol2 xlarat.

aku da try aku punye bes nk staadi jugak.

mlm tadi tak tido pown sebab nk stadi kimia..
berbaloi laa jugak tapi bnyak lgi yg aku tak jawab..

sape x bengang..

pastuh kemahiran membuat keputusan tnya mcm2 plak..

bende plik2 sume die tnye.

soalan 49:

abu menyewa di sebuah rumah sambil menuntut di sebuah universiti..dia tidak mempunyai kenderaan.. die menyewe bersame teman serumahnye yg mempunyai motor.
ali rakan lamenye ingin menumpang sewe di rumahnye, dan housematenye ingin berpindah keluar, namun ali juge mempunyai motor(berbelit mcm keling).masalahnye ali tidak mampu membayar sewe rumah yang mahal..ape yang harus abu lakukan.

a. berpindah ke tingkat 8
b. tidak tinggal di mana-mana
c. tidak membenarkan ali tinggal dirumahnye
d. bersama2 kluar daripada rumah dngn ali

wtf?!

okeh ape yg aku patot jwb?!!

rase cm nk jwb
e. bako rumah ngn ali skali..

tpi takde plihan jwpn e..

so wutever..

aku geram sgt these days..
in a lot of things..

ntah laa!!!!!!!1

forgive.is that a verb?

there's this song that were sung by an indonesian group..
fine it was a song from dewa..
the title is cintailah cinta.

the song kind of tell something about forgiving..
i was listening to it one nite(becoz it's in my mp3 playlist, get it?)
it goes like this:

'bila kebencian meracunimu takkan ada ruang yang untuk kita saling
menyayangi,jika masih ada cinta di hatimu maka maafkan lah
segala kesalahan'

it's a way of telling people to forgive and forget..
like totally forget..

and it says that if there's a love in your heart maybe you could just happen to forgive people..

more like if ur a person with love and a good person then, forgive..

and it just come up to me that i never actually forgive anyone..

my whole life,
i can still describe every single terrible thing that happen to
me..like what people did..

i just learn something that i never actually forgive anyone..

that's like the most difficult thing to do..
forgive and just forget..

it's still there..
the scar..

wut they did..

and even in years it still hurts because i never forget
and forgive..

that's like the most difficult thing for me to do..

and the memory of it..

that time, that very moment..

the thing that happen,
wut she did..

was far from wut i call forgetting..
it's hard and still there..

and i guess forgiving people is for someone that
really can..totally capable of doing it..

because it's not easy to forgive


and forget.

great..
aku bru je abes paper diversity skang..

xde la susa sgt n xde laa sng sgt..
biase je kowt..
jwpn objektif mcm confusing,
n essei die nk detail..

hmmm so and so..skang ni tenga pk pasal
paper kimia n kmahiran mmbuat keputusan(i know so wtever ade paper jgak)

anyway pnat ar..
mase tenga bace instruction tuh the thing that scares me the most
is the sentence 'ijazah sarjana muda dengan kepujian sains'

rase freaked out siket..
mcm ini ijazah sarjana mude..
ntah cm seram sejok plak..

hahah..
wtever sgt ngantok..

i'm 19.

and grumpy..

why does everyone keeps telling me that lately?

wtf

when the clock hit 12 o'clock in the midnight
cinderella ran away leaving her glass slipper..

do u know how weird that is?
how can the glass slipper came off

when she was the only one made for the shoe..

it's her very size..that really fits
for her and no one else..

so the slipper does not really came off..
she leave it there by chance..
it wasn't an accident..
it was intendedly being left..
no one knows the real truth..

cinderella wants the prince to find her..
and she wish for the prince to find her one day

so that she will be happy again..
it's like a way of telling people that
everyone struggles for happiness

even cinderella wants to be freed one day..

rite..
wutever..
so the thing is happiness are meant to be search..

we should find our own happiness is that it..
perhaps we will found it..

evryone gud luck in finding ur hapinnes.

will i still matter to you when tommorow comes?

it's flattering..
to hear someone say you are their inspiration..
or that you means something to them..
you give them a piece of life..
it makes you feel worthful..

like you still have people to hold on to you..
making you believe that you are somebody..

that feeling was undescribeable..

and it remains untouched and will always stays..

and you would want it to stay the same..
the feeling that people have towards you..

'i know you n then you show me wuts life about'..

that word was all i can remember..

thanks

future maybe?

dudlu everytime evryone ckp pasal
ambition aku musti the one yg akan left being
clueless sebab aku seriously tak tau ape aku nk
jadi bile da beso, bile grad, bile da ade degree..
n klaw aku tnye bebudak nih mustih diorng ramai2
jwb 'mak nyah'!
fuck.. mcm aku tak tau korng. nk menghancorkan aku je..

anyway at that time aku pon tak tau ape yg akan become out of me..
and deep inside, aku rase yang aku bole jadi anything..
mcm aku nk be good in evrything..
mcm bile people talking about food sebenonye aku nk
sgt being able to make good food..
nk sngt survive bukak api or gune kuali tanpe menyebabkan ape2 terbako
kat dapor tuh..

and then when people talk about betape hebatnye budak nii bley
ingt sume bende, aku musti nk byangkan yg aku nih ade photographic memory
jgak..
i knoe it's crazy..tpi aku slalu wish aku bley ingat sume bende..

itu yg sbenanye aku fikir everytime people ask what
i will become..
but as i'm passing 19..
aku mcm pikir..
wut happen next..
get a job, be happy tu pon klaw hepi and then
the end fullstop..

is that it?

i hope not..

aku still ade bnyak lagi bende yg i wish i know wut i waNT
but i have none..

mcm life aku actually berenti in being 30..
tu je..

and aku musti sekat diri aku in even thinking of having
a family or children sebab the fact that
i'm going to have my own family scares me so much..

like aku, sabrina

will have a children and become a mother..
tak ke bende tuh mcm bizzare..

gile takowt dow..

n children??

mcm mane dengan the child yg aku going to raise
nanti..

and then i start to realise that aku mmg blom
betol2 ready for any serious responsibility..
and the most scary thing is the fact yg aku rase aku will
never be ready..

i'm so clueless man..


nevermind..
nanti pandai2 kowt aku curik anak sesape
n bele pkai bibik..

that would be nice..

god this things just got into my head
so much lately..

guard hebat..hahah

rite..
aku bru pas kepo tgk blog ana..
xsangke die letak gambo mkcik guard kat matrik
dudlu tenga curik tulang..
ade lagi gambo tu rupenye..
mmg da sah kantoi wahai makcik guard..

tgk je gambo tuh reminds me of macam2 penganiayaan
yang kitorng slalu buat kat die..
bile tringat balek rase kesian pon ade..
tapi bkn salah aku,
sape suroh die malukan aku kat libry lagi..
da laa marah kuat2 depan bnyak org,
pastuh bebdk laki yg ske aku pon tgk
kann je..haa mane tak malu..

yg penting dudlu mase aku geram ngn die aku
penah tulis kat buku name2 plajar yang buat kesalahn
yng die slalu pegang tuh, aku tulis nota
and mesej keramat kat die..
hahahah

ok this is supposed to be a secret tpi
bknnye die ade blog pon kann..
hahha

seblom balek mase tuh, selepas aku and tini dimalukan dlm
ps dgn die..kitorng pon curik2 tulis dlm buku die..
dgn tulisan yg cantek tuh kitorang tulis

'tak baek tue2 cukur bulu kening'

itu laa ayat yg aku tak leh lupe..
arap mk cik buat kenangan ye..
kene jgak aku mintak maap kat die satu ari nanti..
hhahahha..

i went ice skating yesterday
it was fun..
really fun..
walawpon isit terjatoh je sebab licin.
tpi ade a couple of guys yang tolong aku..
hehehehe..
org da offer pertolongan takkan nak tolak
kowt nyah..
malu plak i..

sunway was beautiful in the night..
nk sgt bwk everyone dtg sane,,
kitorng took a lot of photo..cm gile kmera plak..
eka and atik pon skate jgaak..
aku rase cm best sgt smpai rase it was a dream..
becuse kuar mlm2 hang out cmtu..very adventurous and fun..
we all had fun..
rase mcm the feeling that i used to have that is missing rite now
and evrywhere..
rase cm i'm being the old sabrina..
the feeling that i finally have something to be happy about in here..
pastuh cm die pasang bnyak lagu sodap2 kat ice skating rink tuh..
masyuk nyah..

aku cm really had a wonderful time..
the breeze was lovely..


anyway diana called the other day..
as always kepoh kat aku wut's going on..
pastuh she keep's on going on about would'nt it'll
be great klaw idop kite ni cm dlm drama dunie baru tuh..
it really sounded like her..
pastuh aku ckp laa
yg tu sume drama je laa bodo..
muke ko takkan jadi cntek cm elyana and
idop kite takkan jadi bes cm dlm tu..
rase mcm ckap ngn a whining and crying five years old
child..
nk bagi die paham wut's the real world like..
funny but it's true..

aku still thenga figure out nk start stadi mcm mane study week nih..
rase mcm x bersemngat plak..
da lah semalam tak solat suboh..
mmng kene bako laa aku kat nerake..
adoi..
sabrina, sabrina..

fly

there's a time in my life where i would
always turn around and look back just to make sure if i'm
on the right track..

and most of the time i am..
atleast i think i am..
i know it's not possible to be right all the time..
but i do that..
i really wanna be right all the time..
sometimes wut people say or wut they think really bothers me much..
and i would makes sure that i don't think that way but i do..

so i swallowed all the bitter things that comes
eventhough i know how ridiculous that is..
i swallowed it because people think its okay..
because that's what evryones doing..
and being different sometimes scares me so much..

i used to fit anywhere.
and i used to belong everywhre..but sometimes it's different..
like rite now..
and i try so hard untill i don't know if i'm becoming someone else.
unable to fit in bothers me sometimes..
i don't know if it is what we called immaturity
or even insecurity

but i have to feel like i belong
atleast somewhere..
and it hurts to see that u don't belong
in a crowd full of people having fun..
i told myself that they're just lame
or they just pathetic and fail to notice wuts inside
of me..

but the truth is..
i'm not even sure wut is inside of me..
anxiety or just loneliness..

ok i may sound like a pathetic loser rite now..
but i just had the worst day ever.

just hope that things can let me slip
away sometimes..
wouldn't it'll be great if we can just fly to somewhere
else like the fairytale peter pan..
he travel and fly to places leaving wut he had.
and things change when he got back..

i don't wanna be peter pan..
i just wanna fly like him..
it'll be better if things change when i get back..
but becoming better instead..

fly away will be nice sometimes..

there's a rizhopus growing on the surface of my wooden table..
actually bknnye atas my table tpi atas my table cloth on my table..
wutever there's still a heterotrophic organism on my table..
i don't know how it got there..
it's just there..

aku balek je tetibe ade kat situ..
it kind of reminds me on how unpredictable, and how silent
things happen around me..
i've no class for the past two days tpi aku cume manage bce
lab manual and buat report je..rase cm lame sgt bce lab manual tuh sebab
btol2 nk pahamkan tapi tak brape ingat..
membazir gle mase aku..

and my memory card tersekat kat dalam lubang jamban..
i don't know wut is wrong with me..
rase cm nk jerit pon ade..
aku rase time mmg past so fast n everything yg happen really happen
so fast..
cume bende bodoh2 je yg aku buat spanjang due ari tpi aku rase cm lame
ape yg aku bce tuh..
ntah ar..
i don't know if i even have the drive anymore to get to work and be all
spiritfull cm mase memule..
riso gak exam nk dekat..

things seems the same evry single day in here..nothing seems to change
ari tuh mae jmpe ana and su kat kampus kl, aku mcm realise
how different diorng punye life and mine..
kite sume disatukan dekat matrik..
tpi after a year sume bwak haluan masing2..stady, chasing the future..
being a different person in a different world..
more like playing a role in your niche..
except this is a different niche from the matrik life we use to have..

i'm still coping..
just hope i'll hang in there..
like i used to do..
bebudak psycho yg aku used to know pon da ade haluan
diorang sendiri, waheedA, nadia..
anyway da beso korang..
jage diri bek ea..
jgn melacor or jadi mak nyah..
ckup lah jdi nyah kat matrik..
jgn jadi nyah kat universiti walawpon laku..

gudnite evryone.

okay today is superpacked.
but i had a blast of time yesterday like hell..
we agreed on going out, the three of us but last minute arrangement
there are also diana's other two friends..

diana tu mmg baghal nk mampos, tak ckp awal2 yg kwn die nk ikot.
bangang tol, tpi evrything seems fine.
mule2 aku ingat ade malapetake yg bakal berlaku sebab the last minute arrangement and aku yg tertngal subuh pagi tuh, pastuh si diana tak pena nek monorail g kl sentral sorng2..isit kol je takot kene rogol..punyelaa bangang(sapelaa yg nk rogol ko)..and kwn2 die yg tetibe nk join n then si syikin yg xsampai2 sebab ade lagi lapan station pastuh pegi tunggu kat burger king..die ingat die siape.

ok n then we had fun..tgk movie yg bes la jgak smpai aku tgk smpai abes..
ok fine aku tertido halfway tapi aku still tau how it ended okay.
we like rock the kenny rogers..pastuh india yg rambot krinting kat blakang kitorang tu mcm tak puas ati n ngumpat kitorng on bhase diorng..eleh mcm laa diana tak paham..

disebabkan diana da jadi kaye die pon buat prangai blagak kaye die tuh dekat keny rogers..isit panggil waiter je(mmg bjet nk mampos)..komplen tu tak kene ni tak kene..yg tukang pnggil tu plak aku..
one of the komplen is xde sudu nk mkn rice tu dgn ape..pastuh aku pon pndang laa sekeliling nk tgk org mkn nasi gune ape..tapi aku tak prasan.
skali aku toleh kat syikin, aku tgk nasi die da surut..rupe2nye die mkn nasi pkai pisau..HAHHAHAHAHAHAh
blooy hell punye bangang ar..
da tuh plik asal die tak ley pkai pisau..

pastuh dah tgk movie, kitorng pon balek..
aku tido bilek diana malam tuh..stelah berpisah dgn syikin(die bg nasihat bergune)
n kwn2 diana, kitorng pon head balek..

kitorng spend the night kat bilek tuh n diana membebel pasal idop die kat aku pastuh tak bagi aku tido..die nmpak je aku nk tido die bebel lagi kuat..
pastuh aku pon sempat abeskan mkanan die and curik floss die..
aku pon da makin obses ngn floss..
mlm tu die cek gg aku..alah ala2 doctor gg yg tak bertauliah lah tuh..
siap pkai alat gg bodo die tuh..
pastuh isit tak bg aku benafas je sebab tak nmpak cermin kcik yg berwap tuh.
dah tuh mcm mane aku nk idop..

conclusion nye aku rase sume pesakit ko bakal mampos diana..
i gotta get some sleep..god..tired

truth hurts

treponema pallidum.
the bacteria that cause syphilis, a kind of sexually transmited disease.
it's divided into three stages..the last stage can really kill you..
symptom is usually likely to be seen, people won't even know its a syphilis with only an acne-like thing growing on the suface of your skin..

so don't have sex with people who have acne.
is that it?
maybe..

okay that's only a small part of it..
there's this story going on..

the husband have this syphilis thing..so he said that it was maybe something that he ate, like the supplement..
and the wife believed him..
so a person i know that told the story keep going on how stupid the wife is..
she knew its a sexually transmitted disease.

which means you have to sleep around with people to get syphilis..
people with syphilis too..
anyway she believed him..

that what matters..
it's like shutting your eyes although you already knew the truth..
bacteria, disease never lie..
but people lie..they lie to themselve to cover the truth that hurts..

cover deep inside the actual fact.
that destroy a marriage..

it's not difficult to understand..
it's simple she knows the truth but she just need a reason to still hold on
to the marriage..
wutever..

sometimes i lie to myself to make me feel alrite.
everybody does.

and sometimes i wished people would just bury me deep inside away
from the truth..
eventhough i know that things actually are not gonna be alrite.

just don't tell me the truth.
do it for me..
because it hurts so much..
and i don't wanna know
ever..
keep it to yourself..

cover, bury..
just lie..
then everything will feel the same again.
please

my thoughts on this one..

okay..
so my plans for the week is reading some bryophytes and get involve into some of that animal phylum..i dunno..but it didin't worked out like i plan..i've been spending my time sleeping all the time and watching one tree hill season one..
i kind of feel bad about that though..
i'm watching season one rite now..i guess i finally knew the beginning part of the series..

u knoe lucas is like the most serious character i mean the most serious teenage character that i've ever seen..like he reads all this books..and rites about all the writer sayings and uses the correct english..i guess he reminds me of a person that i used to know..
he falls for peyton in the beginning , i guess its more like he's falling for her art..i'm not sure exactly..like he discover peyton sawyer:the girl that draws comic, and love art as in music and drawings, and she's actually lonely although she's being a cheerleader in school or wutever, never let her guard down..

but the thing IS the fact that peyton rejected him because she was scared of comitment or something, and he ACTUALLY moves to brooke, peytons bestfriend..
its actually makes me feel how unbelieveble a guy can be..people in the page giving comment and rooting for him and peyton..when he already started dating brooke, the guy realise that he's still have feelings for peyton..and at the same time, peyton was ready for him..

i mean how unbelieveble this is..people are like supporting he's relationship with peyton..why can't people see..if you haven't really get over a gurl in the beginning then don't even start a new relationship..i mean he is the one to start it off with brooke and yeah i seen it myself..so peyton is ready for lucas at the time when brooke is dating him..so they kind of develop this relationship behind brooke..and yeah of course they mention how guilty they felt..and trust me they shud..brooke is like trying her best to understand lucas as she really is in love with him..she reads the books lucas read and she's even trying to bond with lucas's mother..that's like some sacrifice people! the thing you do for the person you love..and you don't ask for something back..even doing it makes you fell good..that's rare and selfless i guess..

i guess i'm actually talking about this because it's happening alot..the stuff where you start a new relationship when you're not even ready and you think you are..
it's the person that started the realationship to be blame.people like brooke will really get hurt if she knew that she just some sort of rebound..it sucks..and i've seen it happen to people..so don't do it guys..
don't start a relationship to actually forget about the previous one..its not a smart move.like u're so desperate..and it hurts people that actually starting to think that there's hope in the relationship..people like brooke..
and yeah i know the crap about how you can't stop being in love with someone else but don't even talk about a new relationship if you're not really ready..
i've seen this before and people have got to stop..
i know i'm in no place to talk about relationship but that's like a piece of mind from me..wut i truly feel about this kind of drama..

it's not complicated, its simple..don't start a relationship if you're not ready to commit..

i have just finish the entire season five of one tree hill.. i know its a little late for that but i missed the entire seaason when i was in matriculation..
i guess it was not as fun as the earlier season but it was okay though..
lucas and peyton wasn't in a realationship anymore..and it was sad..because i was rooting for them to be together..but it happen to just ended that way...

there were lots of part in the series that makes me linger..it was kindda boring actually but i still linger..wutever..
anyway i knoe this is supposed to be raye and all, but since its the same evry year, i'm actually used to this..
u see, we have no kampong, no grandparents and our relatives usually go back to raye at their kampong so my family used to stay at home during raye and watch all the shows in tv..its not as much raye it can be but this has become a part of our life..and we're okay with that..

i guess evryone is having a blast of time because i'm the only one who seems to be online these days..anyway i'm so goiing to johor this thursday and do some shopping for, i dunno..for nothing..i'm having my late supper as usual.there have to be food when you're bored you know..

i've been watching a lot of tv shows and drama series these days..i'm just getting sick of that i guess..wutever i'm so going to bed..

ning baizura

dudlu..everytime balek dpd kelass..aku, syikin,diana and cincin slalu lepak dekat kafe depan ps..kitorang ade a lot of activity dkat depan sane..tue je laa time yg kitorng spend same2 after class beside dkat bilek tpi bile kat bilek syikin takde..
antare aktivity nye is temankan diana ngn balak die date, mkn cucur goreng yang sgt sedap n mengumpat..
everytime diana date mmg muke aku ni laa yg akn duduk tenga2 diantare due manusie yg gelap tuh(maksudnye aku paling cerah)..
kadang2 aku sempat buat latihan math disamping due org kekasih yg tenga bercinte tuh
pastuh mcm biase ar balak die musti jeling and pandang slek kat aku..n diana plak tersengih2 mcm laa aku buat salah..mase tu jugak time aku cuci mate n kekadang sempat jatoh cinte dengan some people yg lalu temasok laa ....(mati ar ko, ingat aku nk betau ke)

antare makanan yg aku slalu mkn kat situ is kuey tiaw grg, and cucur goreng and rojak ayam..kadang2 sempat bwk masok dlm ps lagi..especially ana, sebab die kate cucur tuh mcm cucur mak die(yeye je), lpastuh kene sound ngn makcik guard yg cukur kening tuh sebab die jumpe cucur kat ats kerusi yg aku n ana dudok..kitorang mmg mkn macam org gile especially bile diana nk blanje balak die..(diorng slalu blanje each other, ingat romantik la tuh).kueytiaw grg die mmg basah n ade udang beso2 and kurang sayor..sng cite mmg sedap!
so this evening aku trase plak nk mkn kuey tiaw mlm2 so aku pon bli satu..
and then aku tulis kat situ kuey tiaw pedas ++..tpi kuey tiaw yg aku dapat daripada pp aka puri pathetic/puri poodah/puri penipu merupakan sepolisterin kuey tiaw yg kembang, tak pedas, bnyak sayor and takde udang pastuh ayam kecik..

bile aku mkn mkanan aneh tuh it remind me of how great the kuey tiaw i used to have in matrik..harge die pon rm2.20 je..klaw kat sni smpai 3 hinggit!
pastuh everytime aku tulis order aku musti tulis nickname ning baizura..i used to write it a few times..evrytime nk order je musti gune name tuh..

pastuh sampai kakak kat cafe tuh da hafal name tuh evrytime tgk muke aku..
die slalu tnye "ning nak mkn ape ari nih?"
aku ngn diana pon laugh our ass of becoz it's so funny..
and bile mkanan aku da siap musti die panggil "ning baizura!!"
and aku dengan muke yg tahan malu-cehh padahal aku dah warning jgn panggil name tu kuat2...aku musti cube untok tutop muke pakai tudong and amek mi tuh..

ntah i guess i just miss that kuey tiaw goreng that aku used to have..malam2 nih rase cm nk write something plak tetibe..maybe i shud go back reading..bryophytes takde kene mengene pon dgn kuey tiaw..hah i hate hornworts!

i'm at the library now..
so sleepy..
if only there's a matress and some pillow here..
i'll definitely rush and arrive in dreamland.

there goes my dreamland..
i was just doing some excercise for this saturday exam..
general chemistry..
i don't know wut is so general about that..
more like complicated chemistry..

anyway i'm listening to this hand down just to keep me awake..
this exams means so much to me..
i just wanna score on this one..
after i got so sikit on biology cell paper..
i got so siket..
trust me sgt sikit..
rase cm my life is all over the place..
dgn exam result yg tak brape membanggekan, u know living alone
and all..klw living alone but you still get good results then i guess it's okay..
tpi bile markah tak ok rase lgi alone..like you have nothing to look
forward to living in this huge cold university..
kekadang rase cm nothing's working out..
assignment ade a few yg tak usik lgi..
smayang pon kekadang tak khusyuk..
isit tringat stuff yg happening around je..
bebudak group lame, da lame aku tinggalkan since that tragedy.
god. pastuh people starting to ask now why i don't hang out with
them anymore..i hate that question, i hate to answer that!

'mane bebudak grup ko?'
'mane kwn2 ko?'
'nape tak gi skali ngn laila?'

takkan aku nk ckp wut's going on..
rase malas..aku pon xtau la ape point diorng ask bnyak kali..does it kill them so much to just shut up about it..cm irretating n makes me feel like i'm really alone..
tetibe all this drama makes me feel like i'm still in high school..

yesterday there's this girl that sit beside me and she start asking why am i alone..
pastuh tnye nape arituh aku tak gi class..pastu she went like 'aiyoh taktau, klaw ko tak masok class nnti ko xleh amek exam'..
aku cm wtf..pompuan kepoh ni. rase cm nk tampo ju muke die..

aku cm look her in puzzle..
and then she went again 'asal bebudak grup ko bole je dtg klass awal'..
aku tros went like 'ko bole dudok tmpat lain x, sebab kwn aku lgi sorng nk dudok sebla aku..seat ni aku cop utk die..bole kan dok tmpat lain?..aku nk dok sebla kwn aku laa'..n i was not lying..mmg pon seat tu untok syaza..

wutever.. i shud continue studying now


i just have to have something to be happy about..
i really hope general i mean complicated chemistry will work well..
tpi cm biase ar musti rase ngantok jap lgi..
when is this misery is going to end..

"friends are not for keep. it stays that way, it doesn't cross that boundry..it's just that"

that wut she says..
that's it..
just like that..
it's been weeks now..
i thought somehow something might change..like i might change the way she thinks about it but it doesn't.
we bring our seperate life.. i don't even know wut's going on..

i guess she simply prove the word she's saying is right..
it's getting weird in here..
people really come and go..
it's crazy sometimes just to see it that way..

u know there's this song i heard in the train yesterday, i guess someone
might have like dumped it in my mp3 or something..
the song called 'innocence' by avril

it goes like this:

its the beautiful thing u're feeling
it's the innocent inside you're feeling
it so beautiful it makes u wanna cry..

it's a nice song..
it just bother me so much starting just now..
this evening..
the way she look at me..
that distance in her eyes..
that word "it stays that way"
i'm losing people around me and i don't wish for it to stay tha way..
it always happens..
one time i knoe this girl in the bus,
we kind of bond and have this fun conversation..
the next day i saw her again, she doesn't knoe me anymore..
like u thought there was something there in that conversation but actually there's nothing for her..like a usual thing u talk to people where the next day u won't recognize anymore..
i mean which part of their brain that doesn't get what common sense means..
why do people have to act like they somekind of aliens a round humans..
it's normal to say atleast hi to the people u know..
or is it really normal not to acknowledge people that have got nothing to do in ur life..
i remember people..
they means something to me..
for me frineds are for keep..
it doesn't stays that way.
it cross the boundary..
we keep in touch..
we miss each other..
i dunno why it's so difficult for them to get that..
human relationship is important.
wake up!

gipsy?

i've been travelling a lot these days..
anyway, skang ni pon aku bru balek dpd shah alam
jmpe maryam..
ok let's introduce her,
maryam or yam is my bestfriend since we're in mrsm..
she's one of my gang back then..
and together all with another 8 of them..
we're very close the 9 of us and now
it's been six years..

wutever anyway.
i've been travelling alone..
mcm2 org aku jmpe..
the taxi driver's were nice..
aku travel dpd bangi smpai shah alamm n then gi klia
n then g klcc..
yam pon ikot aku je(sebab si bangang ni tak tau tmpat)
anyway it was exciting in the beginning of the journey..
cm rase best sgt travel jaoh2 alone..
rase cm u're somekind of traveller or gipsies..
tpi bile nk balek rase sedih..
cm u're about to leave this thing yang u love and
return to the pathetic empty life u used to had..
mcm the end of a good movie yg people wish to have a
second one..
i dunno..

and people go around asking where you're from (mostly mkcik2 sebab
diorng mmg ramah)..
and u keep lying and lying like you're belong nearby there sebab klaw aku ckp aku dpd bangi musti diorng terkejot gle sebab jaoh gle..
cm taxi driver semalam yang isit tnye aku tak takot ke travel sorng2.
pastuh aku pon mmg tak tau nk jwb ape..
actually i'm getting used to it..
being alone..
malas nk ajak bebudak kat sni..
rase leceh sgt..
tak tau knpae..
it's like i'm living for myself now..
it's me, all or nothing..
dudok dlm train,lrt, bus..
rase free takde org yg ikot..
kekadang aku rase cm tak nak diorng ikot coz
kite cm bru je kenal like 3 months, i don't think ade
org nk do such favours temankan org gi jaouh2...

last night was great..
aku jumpe yam and pick die up g klcc..
we talked and talked..masok every store yg ade..
a lot of things kene cath up sebab da lame gile
tak jumpe..die pon cm change..
she still the old maryam yg bangang that i used
to know tpi ade a thing in her that actually change..
i dunno..like somehow she's stronger inside..
she's not that cute, sweet, guilable, full of laughter anymore..
i guess she used to have this hard time alone..
uitm made her be that person..
she's like tougher inside..
we chatted and stayed up that night..
die cm ckp it's difficult..
and i guess i totally get it
i understand i guess..
sebab maybe the same thing happen here..
and bile nk pikir balek hoe cold this place is..
aku takot aku akan jdi cm diorng one day..
like jdi cold and self centered jgak..
wut if this place make me into that person..
that will be not wut i wanted to be out of me..

ntah.
aku gi tido sane sehari je pon..
because i need to study for exams..
and wan yacoob would totally dissapointed klaw student tak perform..
anyway i shud start reading his notes...
die bgi notes pasal hard acid and soft acid hari tuh..
name notes tue enggang same enggang pipit same pipit..
it's his way of describing the haRD AND SOFT ACID..
die mmg suroh ikot die punye way of putting the notes..
he's damn hilaroius..
like all the time..
one time die ckp yg die dudlu pon ade problem in understanding lewis
structure sebab ckgu die not gud at teaching it..haha
and hari rtuh tutorial die bnyak yg buat salah, and die kate kitorng tak dengo ckp die cmne nk draw lewis..
he went like "jgn derhake pade lewis ye!"
i can't believe ui'm reading this notes..

rain

it's raining again..
sempat gak aku basoh kasot aku yg da mmg hitam tuh..
ari nih exam microbe like the been scheduled..

i was sitting at the bus stop this evening mase hujan dah nk kat reda..
i was listening to my new playlist at that time..
i dunno time tue btol2 tringat zaman matrik time hujan..
slalunye sejok2 cmtuh mesti kitorng bedal ais jagong.
i know it's crazy tpi time sejok tue laa yg sedap bedal ais jagong..
aku cm tol2 terbayang that time in matrik.

it was raining pastuh there's this kropok lekor and donut yang aku, and
tini slalu bli kat cafe 'mkcik derhake' tuh..
pastuh bile pnat2 balek class rase masyuk sgt drinking nescafe ais dengan donut
panas yg direbot oleh diana bodoh and husna (diorng mmg tak tau malu, biase ar tuh)
pastuh we used to gossip around and dorng cite pasal hot guy yang baru diorng jmpe..
and aku pon tipu buat2 cite pasal the guy yang minat aku walaupon mmg takde..
and diorng especially husna slalu percaye..
and then aku pon start mengumpat pasal every single people yg ade kat matrik tuh..
pastuh nek aras tige lepak bilek nadia..
gossip lagi..
last2 tetido kat situ smpai maghrib.
pastuh farah yg tak abes2 kmas katil and then there's these stars yg glow in the dark in diorng punye ceiling..it used to come off..

i dunno..
it felt great being there..
and it was raining at that time..
raining in matrik actually makes me feel happy and warm
tpi raining kat ukm is like so cold..
like the people, the air, everyone, the environment..
so cold..
nothing is warm at all.
and i miss it so much, the warm that i used to feel, tini's room,
th stars in nadia's room, the air when we walk down the street
infront of the block..the donut, the beverage..mkcik derhake and all of it
during raining in matrik..
it's so great..

and here i am in my room and it's still raining..

ok so i just settle down a little..
so this morning i went to pudu, pekeliling to get tickets
for this weekend..
i'm going home..

i don't know wut happen..
seriously..
i was a bit lost of direction..
i went all alone sebab malas nk ajak azrin, or erni and even
manisah..nnti lmbat plak..bek aku g sekor2 lgi ringkas..
it feels good.. going all that long way alone..
more like you're travelling..
after some interchange and 10 station in lrt,
i arrived(sabrina akhirnye ko berjaye, you're so fabulous)
anyway.
aku g bli tiket sume da abes..
n conductor ticket to was not very warm like the ad
they used to lie to you about..like betape bgosnye perkhidmatan bas diorang,
n then itu laa ini laa.wtf
anyway aku berator for the last counter, n then line tu tak panjang sgt
malahan sgt pendek, cume conductor bus tue yg lambat,
then
aku punye turn pon da smpai,
n i went like "bus balek pahang ade lagi tak"
n he went very coldly(serious sgt stern and annoying)
"hari ape, siang ke malam"
me: ari jumaat ni, urmm, klaw last siang kol bape? and klaw malam kol bpe?
him: malam takde, siang je..
me:ok kol 6 ade
him: xde da abes
me: da tue bus pkol brape yg ade?
him:jumaat, sabtu,ahad sume da habes

n then, i dunno wut went wrong,
aku cm bengang gle!
with the whole thing
the tone,
the coldness
him with that suit!
aku cm breakdown gile..
i go all the way up there just to get some bad treatment of
some guy yg don't even know wut day the ticket is available..

aku cam mengamok

me: len kali klaw takde ckp je laa takde dpd tdi..da laa bnyak soal!!
last2 takde ticket jugak, n jgn nak talk to me with that kind of coldness..
ingt aku mati ke x naik plusliner! weh ko ngn syarikat ko boleh bungkos laa!
aku bknnye mentak naik bus free. aku bayo tau!! hah menyusahkan aku je!

okeh that was embarassing...
i just don't know wut got into me..
nape ntah aku emo..nk ckp sbb sesat mcm laa aku tak penah sesat
nk ckp sebab penat, alah normal laa puase pnat..
i seriously don't know why and how i reacted that way..
serious shit sume mkcik2 kat situ mmg tenga stare kat aku..
n all the people around..

along the way dlm lrt tue aku cm pikir n pikir..
trying to find a reason wut hav gotten into me..
tpi rase lege dpt jerit kat muke org..
cmtuh kot yg kalaivani nadarajah slalu rase..

i'm tired..tgk grey's anatomy laa jap..

tini called..
she's crying..i knoe i'm not supposed to tell this to people or something but it's not like this is a secret..
i'm not sure wuts going on over there. i mean the only thing that i can here with that voice is she saying that everything is such a messed and everybody bailed and left her out..
she said that she have no one and feel so alone..

i guess the same thing goes around here..
she just can't stop crying.. like it hurt her so much..
she keeps on crying and crying..
and i keep asking wut happen and she still cries..
i guess she's still that little tini i know from last time..
maybe this is difficult for her more than anyone else because she just
that little tini..
i hope things will turn alrite..
she said she's having buke puase all alone..
n she did ask me with whom i will be berbuke puase with..
and i said "dak sebla bilek aku ngn budak gemok seblah katil aku yg bru balek tue"..
n then she started to chuckle and laugh and then went back crying..

you just take time to swallow all this.
it's tough.
but this is the real world..
people just come and go..
it's crazy seeing all this but that's just some fact that we people
have to take..
people like me, like her,like everyone..
it's nasty in the beginning i guess but you just have to have something to hold onto..
just find something that makes you're stronger.
like i hold onto god i guess..
i belive that god'll help me somehow
that's the only real one around here..
that makes me stronger..
and it did..

so for everyone whose reading this out there,
this is not somekind of tazkirah pendek or something this is just something i wanna say..when you like totally lost and was left in the dark and no one is there, just remeber that god is around..
the only thing you can do is pray and believe that god will help you..
just believe in it..
we only have our prayer to hold onto..
just pray..

i can do this

ok i'm at the libry now..
ngantok gle dpd tdi tgk tulisan bnyak2 about bacteria..
it can be boring sometimes..
online jap..
anyway it's been a while since i wrote somting in here..
fine i did write in here yesterday..
ye ar tpi cm da lme tak ngumpat..
aku ade lgi lime bab on microbe..
kind of freak me out..
tetibe je rase nk dengo big bang..
aku pon tak perasan yg pc kat meje ni takde headphone...
di sebabkan sgt memerlukan big bang aku play je laa..
daa kene sound dgn mak arab kat depan nih..
siap bgi aku headphone lgi.
alah dengo je laa lagu diorng bkn tak sedap pon..
isit kene sound je!!
any way arap2 jdi laa stay sni smpai tonite.
aku bkn ape, iman aku ni tak kuat sgt, kang klaw ngantok
tetibe je rase nk balek kat katil..
takpe..untok a few days je..

KUATKAN SEMANGAT SABRINA!!
tringat plak lagu yg diana bodo slalu nyanyi tu:

jika ko pikirkan ko boleh

hah tak sanggop aku nk ingat lagu tuh..
bodo sgt..
wtever gottago n sambong study..

ready, get set

ok i've been very busy lately.. i got two reports in my hand that need to be done and passed up.and then minngu depan monday, mid exam microbe, and i have to passed that kemahiran membuat kputusan assignment which i learn nothing in that class (beside the fact that i skip that class and i spend my time reading something else not paying attention on how they really make a decision, huh wtever).

huh so i guess that's all it, that need to be done this week..microbe nye exam sgt mengerikan because we learn like a new topic every week so u can just imagine how many topics we learned so far, i mean beside the fact yg kalaivani warn us i mean seriously bnyak nk kene cover ar.. takot tak sempat je.i wanna score microbe!
anyway rase cm matrik plak every week new topic..jdual plak packed, arap2 year two will be much better..

talking bout that kmahiran membuat kputusan assignment, we actually have to write 10 pages of our own pengalaman peribadi..i mean yg involve people to make a decision..seriously! and sometimes in life u just regret the people u hang out with in the first place..ntah.a lot of thngs happen..malas nk talk about it..wutever..
bnyak gle nk kepoh..

anyway bebudak ktsn come and visit ari tuh, so of course la diana ngn dental troupe die pon ade ari tuh..senior dental sgt hooot!!
i'm impressed actually..they really know wut they doing so far yg i can see..a lot of them are chinese and i did my dental check up with them..
like every single question yg i asked diorng bley jwb..that chinese guy i mean..
ok wutever, gottago..kepoh more later..

ok as usual..
tuesday is the day of hecticness..
pnat giler..
xde gap langsung except mase zohor..
anyway aku bru lepas culture 20 freaking bacteria..
klaw xjdi bacteria tue mmg salah aku laa.

pnat gile dow..
puase lak tue..
rase cm nk gigit je agar kat ptri dish tuh..
pastuh cm ade laa insiden yg menunjokkan aku sdikit bodo,
n then bdk laki grup depan aku cm stare kebodohan diri ini.
pastuh aku toleh balek die masih stare..
ape msalah ko?!
isit stare je!
buat2 tak nmpak da ar..
naseb bek tutor ngn kalai di batalkan..

klaw tak, mmg smpai mlm laa jwbnye..
ow my god.
sgt penat.

dat day went out jap ngn nadia g tgk movie kat mid..
kwn aku yg nmpak kitorng tenga queue bli tiket tue pon
ckp ktorang loud giler..

daa
wut do you expect tue kann nadia si bangang
and mmg memekak la klaw jmpe aku..
funny she keeps telling me yg die
x cm tuh pon kat um..

pastuh there's this wedding exhibition yg kitorng pegi,
ow my god..
could you believe it..
wedding exhibition!
kitorng masok pon sebab saje2 nk explore..
n after da kutok lebey kurang sume wedding dress kat situ
kitorng pon beredar..

as always she have to make a scene everywhere..
pastu tnye aku wut ukm hav done to me..
i guess nothing..
just the fact that they did nothing to me..

wutever still exhausted..
gottago!

any clue?

aku tenga ade trouble privatekann blog aku tpi at the same time nk bg all my followers je bce..
god..
nape laa bende ni tak simple cm tekan calculator je..
anyone have any idea..
sebab dpd tdi aku cme tekan invite je and tak tau wuts going to happen next..

hate machines..

suspect

suspect.
meaning to have an idea or probability something is true or likely to happen without having real proof or definite proof..
it's still a probability..

ok so here's what happens..
i fall ill for the last two days and my temperature is 40 degrees clcius..
it happens to be a fver..and i was quarantine because i was suspected
with the influenza h1n1..it was a 3 days quarantine and if the fever still high i will be sent to hospital kajang..this is day two..

n then..
i told my roomate about it.she totally freak out n nk pindah bilek. i thought it was okay kowt sebab die ade hak nk selamatkan die punye ass..walawpon i'm so afraid tido malam2 sorng2..da la painful gile...ni pon bru lepas telan painkiller..
then,
i thought die just tido bilek kwn die n the end of story

but

it turns out that things didin't end there.
die pegi betau warden n i don't know who exaggerate or why she exaggerate
the warden pon freak out..
pdahal doctor mmg suroh aku stay dlm bilek..i mean asal sume org nk freak out..

i'm just doing what the doctor says..pastue warden call me in the middle of the night freaking out!
die even ckap yg die nk dtg tgk aku pon takowt..wtf. wutever.
and aku cm rilek je ar..malas nk bsing2.
pastu die bg aku option samada aku nk balek rumah or die hanto aku g taman tnage kuarantin kat situ..sume org nk get rid of aku!!

aku cm explain yg i still have another two days n i will only stay at my room pastu die ckp 'da tue takkn awak tak pegi toilet?' die still nk send aku away..
n siap nk call my parents lgi..i told her that i already told them what happen, masalahnye my house ngn ukm jauh so why not just tunggu another two days and we'll see the outcome..n i agreed to go to taman tenage..pastue i thought it end there.

but

die call jugak parents aku n buat kecoh..die ckp bebudak blok ni sume da freak out, my romate takde tmpat nk stay (pdahal obviously die tido bilek kwn die n die yg betau aku die tido blek kwn die)..takde tmpat nk stay amende!!
aku cm totally da start nk piss off mase die call my parents..
memule aku bley rilek lgi pastue aku rase evryone mcm too much..
die sebole2 nk suroh my mom amek aku balek..pdahal i da agree nk pegi tmn tenage semalam..this morning my mom cerite the whole thing to me..

just wut is wrong with all these people..my temperature pon da going down..
tau nk freak out je!! sume org nk save their ass..
have it ever occur to them yg I'M SICK. i'm sick and all yg diorang bley buat is freak out and getting rid of me..
bknnye nk complain ke ape tpi i really feel like people are trampling me around..
bru jdi suspek da rase like rbbish..watever.

nk g bli memane pon x bley..nnti die freak out lgi..skang ni kat bilek..damn bored..
harap2 my roomate yg mmg 'sehat' tue stay healthy laa..fucking hell

humiliation again..

hah geramnye!!

shit. fucking hell..

that's like an embarassment..

okeh aku tepon canselori punye ofis to check
cek mara da sampai ke blom n then:

guy: assalamualakum, bahagian kewangan pelajar boleh saya bantu?

me: okeh..aaa.aa.saye nk check cek mara da smpai ke blom.

guy: name n no matrik

me: sabrina-

guy:owh tak sampai lagi..

me: tak nak cek no matrik ke..sabrina len tue..

guy:awak ni ke yg tepon pagi tadi?

me:ha'ah

guy: pastue awak tepon jumaat lepas

me: ha'ah

guy: pastue awak tepon khamis lepas jgak kann..

me: hmmm..a'ah kowt..

guy: cm ni la..saye tak leh nk bantu awak klw cek mara tak sampai lgi.
knape awak tak mintak masokkan dlm bank je klaw nk duet cpat.

me: tpi tue kan cek first mesti la die anto kat ofis dlu..

guy: klw cmtu next time soh mara masokkan dlm bank. lgi cepat. tak yah tepon bnyak kali

me: (embarras gle babi punye fuck) hah! tau la!! *hang up

ow my god..
as if things are getting better..
siap ar ko!
aku bako canselori.

i hope he doesn't read this though..malunye

just some request

first of all..
if you do know the people around you that
happens to be someone your friend hate, you don't keep
rub it in people's face how good u guys make friends and
like each other..

second of all
please, just please..this is not like doing
a favor but more like a command..
stop asking people for help
just stop making people do the things
you can do on your own..

third,
shut up!!
for one moment just
shut up!
keep ur mouth shut.
so loud and disturbing..
keep the conversation to yourselves..
the whole world doesn't want to know it..

another thing is
please try to look at people when
u're talking to them..
it's rude to just talk to people without
looking at their face..

and
stop treating people like they're
some sort of joke and atleast try to
pretend that everything is okay

eventhough it's not

and even though things are falling apart..

that's just it..
that's all i'm asking..

virus.
an obligatory intracellular parasite
which means they need a living host in order to multiply.

they're not even a cell, and not really living except if they infect a host
cell then they show a living organism property..
more like a thing..like you don't really live but you'll live
once you get the right cell that you infect..
and in order to do that you have to have the right
receptor to infect the host cell.and the host cell needs to
have all the requirement for you to multiply..

more like this thing that happen around us..we're just someone else.
a virus..nothing.unless when we found that special thing that matters
in our life..that we treasure so much..it can be a serious boy-girl thing,
family relationship or friendship..we can have them all..but not everyone have all of it..just not everyone..
and when you don't have one of them, you look forward to another one..
like when you don't have that family bond, you look forward to make friends or search for love partners..
that's my hypothesis.
that's what i think..

but the thing is, what happen when you don't have the family bond thingy,
then you fail in finding the right friend..like you do not belong anywhere..
and that's horrible..
the worst thing that can ever happen to people is not having anyone
and leading a pathetic empty life..
that's why people have hobbies i guess.
a source of indulgement.
like someone i know..
you call that pathetic.even i called it pathetic.
but they're not really lucky in finding true relationship..
like us or anyone else..
and it's the same way when you have something so good then
you finally lost it..
or it just happen to slip away..
n that sucks..
a lot..


ow my god! i can't believe i'm sitting next to the same guy that's
drinks in his large bottle the last time when i was sitting beside him..
and he's doing it again..
gotta take a picture to share.that's just spoils the mood.
fucking hell.

and another bad news, hari ni ade night class at 8.15..
tak dapat buke ngn geng2 usrah..
bru je ingat nk jalan2 jap g umah kak ayu..
shit!

i haven't had a conversation with my sister for the past
few weeks..
the last thing i remember is she yelling at me from the phone
and hang up..
it's actually normal for us to do that..
but it's weird when you one of us just went silent and disappear..

still no plans for the weekends..
and my life is still falling apart.

ok..
that was weird somehow..
i just don't get that..
that kind of reaction..
kekadang it feels like you don't quiet get the people here..
wutever malas nk pikir..
ke aku yg tak patot react cm tuh..
like when ko tak tau cmne ko kne react..
you're like confused..totally..
maybe bende2 cmni matters kowt untok aku je..
suddenly i feel like i don't know myself anymore..

anyway i'm moving on.again..
there's like this time yg ko btol2 wish u can say something about
some matters or things yg happen infront of you but u just don't
because malas nk pnjang2kn cite n takot people don't understand that..
aku slalue rase there's this communication problem that occur..i dunno.weird..
and for the first time in here aku finally skip one class..
nobody knows..
like different thing happen when you're in matric..
when i skip one class ngn diana in matric people actually notice..
and then, i will get this various message saying 'pemonteng tegar'..
or wutever..
i miss that times..

i guess its different now..a lot of things different now..skang kat
cyber room just finish english class..i hate to say this but sometimes
i feel that every other people punye course lgi happening and fun..
like my academic communication classmates get to go to pulau pangkor, and redang
next week to study biodiversity there n her course is science sekitar..
totally fun..mmg laa mcm bodo je blajo pasal penyu tpi best becoz u get to travel..
n we on the other hand have to go to normal lectures and pay attention during virus lecture because u gonna so pay for it if u don't get anything in that lecture..
i mean beside the fact that it's and important topic it also happen to be taught by miss kaliavani nadarajah yg vogue gituu..
i hope she doesn't read this..
it's actually fun though..
i get that she always so serious with that scary vibe but her teaching
skills is also rare and i understand what she's talking about..
like the whole time..and i'm beginning to like virus because of her..
or i myself hav become a virus....i hope that's not true..

the thing is sometimes in lectures, in lab or in a room where it requires a lot of attention from you,i just kind of overthink..the whole thing..
mcm in biology cell lecture hari tuh, aku begin to wonder like how the buffer really works in ur body..pastu i imagine like there's this chemical thing in my cell or something that cannot withstand the acidity crap and unfortunately my system kind of fluctuate and i suddenly passed out..then i started realising back that i'm in the lecture hall..u know like ally mcbeal always fantasize things..
except this one is much more serious..

i dunno why..
it happens these days...
maybe because i'm a moron..
but i'm not..
smalam bru je pas kne curse ngan nadia sebab
tak jadi kuar dis friday which is tomorrow
sebabn ade class..she so funny when she do that..
like tetibe there's this text saying 'fuck you' or 'biatch'
hahaha..like she's the boss and could be the smallest boss (in size)
bodo.x brubah..i wonder how other people react when she did wut she did..


cek mara tak sampai lgi.shit!
i hope they know wut it feels like to be the only first year
student here yg blom dpt bli anything in the name of pleasure
because they fail to get the mail here faster..
and it's not like i don't know,brape bnyak mail in a day vanished or lost
because of their irresponsibility..was that even a word?
i know i complain a lot but i'm just sick of a lot of things..
you spend every morning looking at the window in ur room wondering when will
this crap ever going to end..and you put this fake smile in ur face..
just to make u believe everything will be better again..
walking the road listening to every song there is in your playlist as loud as u
can just to get urself taken away for awhile..
and you see this pizza ad that you wish so much you can share it and have
it rite away with the rite people..and you always observe the people u're talking to
because u want to know their reaction so much like an insane freak, so that u don't feel like they don't understand wut you mean.because it happens all the time.and u actually wait for people even when you're not that type..
and u turn when people is leaving because maybe they would want to say goodbye..
but they don't..it's weird in here..people just tend to just come and go without
saying goodbye..i mean i did that..all the time.. i say goodbye..
and everyone deserve one..
a simple 'see you tomorrow' or 'bye'..
it's not that i'm a psycho freak that suffer out of a goodbye disease but
sometimes it just good to hear people say that..like you matters to them..
wut am i saying..
and this always happen lately..like i'm in the middle of blogging and i don't know wut i'm saying..
shit!

and rite now i'm listening to big bang..i know! thet're hot..
wonder wut is really going on wit diana senior thingy..

it's saturday..
smlm i stayed all night at the libry..
bknnye stadi sgt ponn..ade so many interruption actually..
then today dtg lgi to this place ngn manisah..
i wonder why it took so long..
she's printing something by the way..

anyway yesterday was so dull..and today too..
tetibe je dpt msg dpd diana yg bjet konfius ar nk kuar ke x ngn babad..
aku suroh je ar die kuar..big deal..
it's not like it's a date or somthing..
anyway, u know aku just check out this book yg aku found in the libry..
it's an english novel..wutever i know wut a geek..
ok fine.. aku pinjam buku tue because of the cover actually..
not because of the whole story which is i do not knoe yet because i'm
only starting to read it...
just now jumpe kwn izu.. my old classmate yg genster..
prangai die pon mcm izu gak.. sgt bsing..
aku worried actually about the chemistry tutorial..
so difficult, tak tau nk tnye sape..
i'll try doing it myself..
wutever..

ow my god! can't believe i'm actually worried about a tutorial..
wut am i?! i got to get a life..

waiting till it's done

ok..
so this is the day in the week yg aku finally dpt online..
so, this morning g dectar coz of some reason aku gagahkn
dri pegi jugak walawpon aku malas..

anyway a lot of things been going on this whole three weeks..
ntah aku try tue just stay as fine as i can be..
it's weird sometimes..
i don't even knoe if i knoe myself anymore..
wutever this is just a phase..
malas nk pikr..

so last weekend aku manage bli forever princess the ninth book..
excited giler nk bce buku tue..micheal is so hot!
atleast life aku takde lah pathetic sgt with that book..
so today kitorang have to culture bacteria and actually
measure them like micro2 small..

bacteria tue jatoh kat tgn aku mase aku pkai that stick to
pull it from the agar..aku freak out gle..takot aku die out of bacteria
infection je mase bacteria tue land kat tgn aku..aku tros masokkan
tgn dlam dettol..pastue lecturer to ckp dettol untok meje and slides je,don't use that, use the antiseptic hand wash..pastue bru la aku dpt betenang
after merasekn yg tgn aku da slamat..
huh! wut a moment..
and mase aku nk rinse tgn aku, aku terenjis kat this
guy yg aku da lame prasan mmg bajet..
anyway aku terenjis kat buku die and die tenga tulis that time and die
cm jerit...hahahaha..
i was like ''sorry, gottago''
which of course i'm not sorry and i'm not rushing anywhwre..
tue las sape suroh bjet..
da la bgi formula salah..
ow my god giv me a break!

and bacteria..
u know they are all beautiful creatures..
and ironically they're around you..sometimes i just wish how
much i can live like the bacteria..
perhaps people won't get to hurt your feeling all the time
and you have nothing more to think about other than reproduce..
and you're so beautiful..

aku cm excited the first day to lab..
aku get my life busy ngn books..
atleast ko get to feel ktinggalan if ko tak read ape2
dpd buku microbe in a day..
adelaa jugak bende len yg ko bley feel..
wutever..wtf?
wut i'm talking about..

aku pon tak tau asal aku nk sgt all those comics everywhere..
i mean i used to read them tpi takde laa obsesive cm skang..
maybe because i wish so much yg life aku cm dlm that comic..
people read it because life is not a comic..
they wish it would be like real life tpi bukan..
comics will never be real..
not even the character..
people love to believe it's real but it's not..
and they just put themselves there..in that world..
pathetic but that's fact..
people like me..

anyway i'm glad things are well for my friends..
i'm happy for them..
for nadia..maybe she found the people that speaks the same mind..
and waheeda, she seems fine..and farah..

they just deserve it..
wutever i'm tired..
let's call it a day..

today,tomorrow..wutever

tuesday as usual schedule mmg packed..microbe punye class aku cm tunggu mase je nk kene sound..totally can't get my eyes open..serious shit ngantok..kang tak pasal2 kne halau..dr. asmat cm ade this aura yg menakutkan like there's this vibe when u look at her as if she's saying 'don't mess up with me, in my class or u're so going down girl'..funny but i feel that way everytime she enter the lecture and everytime she started saying ok 'google'..

mmg ar die okay je all this while tpi i dunno..it just happen that she's so menakotkan..any way class start at 8 and mmg kitorang tak eat anything smpai one o'clock..the last class was english academic communication..
so far ade la a few classes yg i'll always remember..

cm general chemistry..the prof speaks in malay tpi ok kowt die ajo, if u really pay attention..he hav this like opinion about stuff yg happen in the world and kind of express it in the lecture..turns out to be hilarious sebab he tend to be very sarcastic most of the time..
and then there's english class and the lecturer are so full of color and funny..

she hav this melodramatic tone like a total drama queen material when she speaks and she likes making fun of people..
one time during the lesson we were ask to tell everyone our fav animal and of course i don't have one and i could not think of one..
u know, me and animals..
never work out..
anyway here's wut happen..it was my turn to tell the class my fav animal..
n then i said 'i'm sorry i could not think of one, because i don't like animals'..
n she goes 'well then u have to forfeit'..
then i went 'why'..
n then she said 'because u have to have one, okay sing a song'..
and as i was thinking about that 'my all' by mariah carey the whole time because of the mood, i just sing a few lines and that was kind of embarassing but it works for the whole class not to laugh and she thanked me because of the song..
she's funny though..


and then there's this kemahiran membuat keputusan as course wajib in the list that u have to choose one to pick..i only pick that to complete my credit hours and it can accomodate to my schedule..wutever..we spent about 2 hours learning how to make a decision..
yeah seriously..i was complaining the whole time because i don't think there should be a subject to make a decision..
i mean come on! u have to learn how to make a decision? and from that two hours today the only thing yg get into my head is two words rational and kognitif..
that's all i can remember so far..i mean i think i made the wrong decision entering decision making class..but the prof was nice and very rational like the thing he taught us..

anyway i have alot to study..rase cm da lame plak tak bukak buku..
today is tiring..da laa..mati aku klaw lecturer aku bce neh..