assalamualaikum.. i'm trying so hard to write again..it's just so hard to put my thoughts into my writting.. i'll try again later.. anyway Selamat berpuase evryone.. let's grab as much as we can the opportunity to buat pahale and kebaikan

she open the car door, making her way out..turn around to smile at me..

i guess that's it..that's just it..we hit some rough roads,had fun along the way and now things will just get back to the same place..

why can't i just have something real and that stays..

it's like things are just constantly leaving me behind..

when tomorrow comes, we all will get back to our life, according to the social clique.

people are just preoccupied with hierarki..

and i kept wondering what is wrong with my life?

why am i always in the wrong place at the wrong time..

so there it is..

some few weeks of fun and excitement then it had come to the end..

and i just have to move on again like i always do..

just like what always happen before.

research

i went in her office sitting on the chair in front of her and then that's when she went

she: okay u listen to me now, i want u to work on ur work give me an update.no question, don't interrupt me, find out what needs to be out. i'm giving u the marks that u don't need to be worried about. but starting from this new semestar, just don't slack off. because ur marks depend on ur work..and don't come to me unless u have an update.

me : urmm..what about my second sample? when will we be getting that?

she : i'm not sure..but it'll be next semstar

i stare rite back at her..observing evry inch of her lips, articulating everything..imagining what happen if i just could cut her and tell her how i feel about doing sampling for the next year..i don't know if it's within my capabilities..i can't do it if it's next semestar..i'll be busy during that tyme..i need to get my thesis my gene sequencing done..

i'm so doom..cume boleh menyerah pade Allah je..she's just so powerful...and fragile.

she : what are u waiting for? go!!

awaken from my thoughts, i look at her again

she : what?? i can't talk much now..i'm sick, tired and i need a break..go!

and then i stand up making my way to the door..

what am i going to do with my life..god.

i walked staright to side of the cafetaria opened the fridge and grabbed the yellow puding that sat at the corner of the shelve.

i brought it in the lab..finding some things for tommorow medium making..

my bacteria is like in desperate needs of a new medium..they're like waiting to be place outside the fridge..it's been so long i put them there.

cleaning some universal bottles, scrubbing 4 conical flask, borrow some beaker.

and then it occured to me that there is no plates..no plates for tomorrow medium making..which means there will be no place for me to pour the agar.
what a drag.

and i also need to replace the scott bottle i borrowed from the marine lab..

so i wnt in side his office..

and then there he was sitting there..

him : ye?

me : saye nak jumpe encik

him : ade ape?

me : saye nak scott bottle 2 and barang nak buat medium saye da bagi list kat kak wawa

him : saye tak dapat pon list tuh

me: saye da bagi

him : saye kene tgk dulu la list tuh, before order..patotnye bagi awal2, kang lambat bru smpai barang tuh..

me : brape lame ? 2 minggu?

him : mane 2 minggu, brg2 tuh 3 bulan kang bru smpai. da abes research kot bru dapat barang

me : (wut??) haa? alaah

him: ko ingat barang ni bli kat gombak,subang ke, ni kene order kat oversea tau tak

okay that was hilarious, i almost snort out when he said that..


so off he went making his way. trying to get me all the things without buying any of them..

which is unexpected.

and then finally..after much cleaning and packaging,

i sat down on this chair that the master's student usually sit where i don't really get to, when they're around..

i kindda wonder what it felt like sitting in the chair..

so i sat there..took out my pudding and ate it.there silently every bite, in the lab where there is no one but me and athirah..

staring at the corner of every table that is filled with all the postgraduate work which is so space consuming and and also takes all the instrument that the undergraduate needs..

that's them...they make their way well in the lab..because they just manage to actually have them all..the space, the bench with all their stuff, and all the bottles and tubes that we also need..

it's just not enough for all of us..

but i guess that is something i need to swallow just like my pudding, although it taste way better..

i need to cope with this..tell them we need our tubes and bottles.or find them get them from scratch.

this is part of the challenge..it's not that hard..it's okay.

i swallowed another pice, it like so delicate in my mouth asking me for more.

and then there's this smel of the bacteria in the lab, with the combination of the dessert..i'm tired for today.. i need to just read something and lie down..

i've just finish some packing..looks like i have to empty this room by tomorrow annd move some things to some other place because it the semestar break..
but i'll be staying here to run my research project(which can't help feeling nervous about because there's people that i don't feel excited being around) in another room..

anyway..so how's life peeps..(bajet perez hilton aka macam ramai org bace post ko)

it's been one hectic long, hardcore semestar that takes a lot of my spirit and enthusiasmm..

i've been busy, feeling alot of things..

i've been avoiding to think about some things lately, and it sure turned out fine but

today all the things i've been avoiding to think just come revealing itself one by one..

god i'm such an emotional drag..i wish i could just handle my feelings..what a drag..

and then i went out to get some peach tea..

and then it come to my senses of how stingy i am..

i am a stingy person..in terms of feelings..i don't share much and i don't give much, and it's very difficult for me to take some in..

i'm a selfish living stinger, i like walk around not wanting to be bothered by this kind of things, i don't have a big heart.

untill recently i realise how much i was hurting by all the people around me..

it doesn't even matter how i feel, it's just that how is it possible to be feeling the same thing again and again when u're supposed to be turning 22 this year..

i'm supposed to grow up like i plan..

i need to embrace the time i had, be a better person..

share, be affectionate..

and i still haven't move slightly away from the real me..

i need to sleep.

ok..

this is viral..i've been trying to cut out my caffeine consumption lately because..it all seems wrong and then bende tu mcm recalcitrant and stays in ur organ because it's a xenobiotic. ok enough bout caffeine.

anyway what is viral is my memory lost..i think this is critical..i forgot almost everything.. i just have no clue..every single thing people recall me back of what i did i can't remember..

i got out of my car wanting to grab a box of milk and then i went straight in 7 eleven..pushing the door, and then i step in passing through the ice-cream container and then i forgot what i'm there for..i forgot what i'm buying..

and then i grab my keys, walk to the parking area and forget whether i've taken the keys or not..

i forgot what she said just now, and i kept on asking the same question. i forgot to take the grabage out eventhough i tell myself every second i am about to leave the room. i forgot what the notice on the board said that makes me do things the other way around..

i forgot the name of the protein in retrovirus that makes it undrgo proteolysis to produce new proteins eventhough i've read it 20 minutes before.


i don't what to do..i've been fish instead lately to get good proteins if that help. i wish it would help..

ow my god..ow my god.

don't go assume things..

asked first before u hurt people feelings just because u decided that i'm wrong.