parenting

mother is out of town..settling some bussiness..

so i'm here with the kids alone untill saturday..don't rob my house..

so i went to pick up hakim and hazim just now..

sedang aku tido dengan sedap, pastuh alarm bunyik nak kene amek dorng plak..

and then when i got there, there's a lot of kids like staring at my car..

i mean totally staring at the car..

so hazim gets in but there's no hakim..

hazim :kakak, hakim tumbuk budak

aku : ok.. mane die?

hazim : tu kat pokok..

that happens all the tyme.malas nak pikir

so aku pon drive smpai kat pokok

and then hakim went in and off we went home.

so i was going to go back to sleep..

pastuh hakim went to me

hakim :kakak rase ustazah panggil mak ngn ayah tak.

aku : depends

hakim : on what

aku: on how many times u hit the boy

hakim : maksud kakak, tumbuk die ke(smirking)

yeah he's proud of it.wutever

aku : nape ko tumbuk die?

hakim : sebab mase rakaat ke due semayang asar, abang(he calls himself abang)lupe
nak tahyat awal pasuh die ketawe2 kat blakang, pastuh die ketawe smpai
abang da abes semayang pastuh cakap 'hahahha, akem salah semayang'

aku : so u hit him?! because he was making fun of you?!! cume cakap cmtuh ko pukul die.

hakim : a'ah (konfiden sambil angkat kening)

i hate doing this so much, like telling people what is wrong and right ataupon suruh org do the right thing.. i just hate it so much.sebab it's not a big deal.usually stuff cmnih aku just betau my parents je and they handle it.or atleast my father will..

i'm not the sister that tells her brother what to do except for homework.because that's just weird.but come to think of it, this is not about me.and my parents not around.

hakim is like 10..and he's been hitting people for quiet sometimes usually with a good reason..bukannye big deal pon tapi kang tak cakap kire tak bertanggungjawab kann.and then i did the thing that i hate most

aku : hakim, u got to stop hitting people. u can not just hit people because dorng make fun of kau..that's not reason enough..i'm not gonna tell u what to do..tapi ko kene stop. tuh kann cume a stupid thing yg people say bile ko buat salah..just anggap that it's nothing je laa..buat bodo je..bukan big deal laa.
die bukannye ejek ko terok2 or ckap ko bodoh ke ape.(ayat stepmom pon kuar)u are too much of a person to even bother with this kid..

hakim :sbenanye die memang bnyak kali ejek abang..tapi abang diam je..abang punye turn nak bagi die..

aku: so this like what, a revenge ?!

hakim: a'ah.(konfiden)

aku : so everyone yg mess up ngn ko gets one?

hakim: a'ah

hazim : hmm padan muke si taha tuh..macam game wwe tu kann, kem.

aku : diam ar

hakim : takpe..ok je..esok abg explain kat ustazah..jadi die tak betau mak ngn ayah.

cmtuh die handle things..kalaw ustazah die tak nak dengo ckp die, kang dengan si ustazah tu jugak die bagii..aku pon tak tau la budak nih..

die bukannye problematic as a child..he's just have this big pride, thinks he's too good for anything, responsible nak banding dengan hazim and smart..

i'll just tell mom later..wutever anyway..

got to cook.kah kah kahhh

aku have this problem in me that i notice and i refuse to do anything about it..


i never listen..in a lot of things..i just find it difficult to sit down and give my attention to something..

so when my mom started to throw her tips and teaching on cooking aku slalunye angguk2 je and go 'hmmm', or 'ok' walaupon sbenanye aku cume stare at her blankly smbil dekat earphone kat tinge denga taylor swift country bits..

i know i'm not an obedient daughter.

and she use to become puzzle sebab in one sentence aku bole understand all that, atleast i look like i do..

just like just now when she explain how to make nasi ayam and i go 'hmm', 'ok',

and then she said something about cengkih which i don't know what, and then i said 'sounds delicious mother'..

and then muke die start to berkerut which i don't understand why, because the whole time i was listening to karev rambling on grey's anatomy,

and then she went

'ape yg sedapnye letak butter dgn gule, muak tau tak?'


and then aku ckp 'ha'ah muak2'..eventhough mase tuh aku tak understand a word..

so it turns out she was giving a bad example of making nasik ayam yg muak pkai nasi and letak butter and gule..

so yesterday, she had this emergency thing going on that she had to rush out, so out of nowhere she went,

'sabrina ko masak nasik and sup untuk adik ko ea'

'it's simple, i taught u the last time..yg macam mak cakap tuh'

and then she went away.

pastuh aku mcm did i just heard that rite?

i mean is she serious..aku mane pena masak sup fishball.and i never paid attention that time.


the last time aku masak sup was like a year ago..

i'm totally lost..

pastuh aku pon rush out crik resipi kat internet and do as the resipi said..

the resipi ckp masuk bunge lawang. kayu manis, and cengkih..

kamon la weyh bunge lawang tu ape?!

pastuh aku masuk je yg nampak macam bunge lawang..

aku masuk la dalm 3,4..and then voila jadi la sup..

pastuh adik aku balek and eat

hazim :akem, mak ni mcm tenga cube resipi bru kan kem

hakim :ntah pelik rase die..pesal tah mak masak cmni

aku : sedap kann, baek ko ckp sedap?!

okay da diamm..

i'll learn that next tyme..

xmen for real

fine..i've just watch this xmen first class..

i feel that charles fail in proposing his point and his mind on how things should be done..

it's not supposed to end like that kalaw die boleh encourage them or make them feel that what they are actually doing is rising above..

ni sume salah die..that's why magneto pick the other side..

and he shouldn't suruh mysitique go.

at the beach kalaw die boleh make things clear perhaps things wouldn't be that way..

aku cam geram gile dgn charles yg tak clarify and make them see that..

he's the one with the telepathy thing, he should have done better..

magneto is like so hot and vulnerable..

he's hotter when he's vulnerable..like he needs that brotherhood thingy and someone to actually love him and be there..

the end is just sad.

and wrong

random scribbling

hello everyone (bajet famous)

so since we going to have the exam, we sould chill at our room and go through the textbook, and lecture notes should we ?


owh did u just hear that..

that is the sound of my tummy..

should we do something about it..yes we should..

since i'm locked up telling myself that this going to take only 8 more days, and i have to stay here study this mental health thing, i can not go anywhere..

the car is safe and sound in the parking lot and if i want to eat something, i should just go to the cafe or make something instant..

so let's have this..





pour it in a bowl, since rumate takde.curik rumate punye kejap(alah nanti ckp laa)




and then pour about have a cup of water.






halahmak bace sendri ar care nak buat kat blakang box, tu pon nak aku betau ke.


doesn't it look disgusting..

well it taset disgusting to.

so wutever, don't eat that, bknnye sedap sgt..

nak termuntah pon ade..rase instant, memang die instant tapi xyah rase instant sgt..


till then, got to get back to delusional disorders..

wutever..

so my nape hurts..
and my head hurts and i felt drowsy..
rase cm org mengandung plak..


hmmm..still studying.

here i am flipping through painting and painting trying to figure out which one is acrylic and which one is oil on canvas..

because they sure going to ask that tomorrow during my art critics quiz..

and since i took the subject this short sem..i should really know which is which.

it's just really hard to tell..

they look pretty much the same..and when i seem to be able to figure out which one is acrylic and which one is oil,

the next painting yang look like acrylic is actually oil!

i guess i'm just not that good in art huhh..

ok observe this carefully



this is acrylic








this is oil







this is acrylic






and this is oil




now guess which one is acrylic painting and an oil painting.hahhah









don't they all look the same !!

my back starting to hurt now..

tu belom ink and marker lagi..huh!

i've been viewing stuff in youtube..some stuff..

so the other day when the video that was place on youtube made by me, were out..

i happen to view it a lot of tymes..

and then there's this thing that i feel, deep inside..

i mean i seriously know that my video wasn't a very good one, it's just fine or even average.

i just felt that it looks like a 5 minute work that you jumble out all together edit a bit and then voila it's in the tube..

i didin't realise i was doing that a lot of times..

there's been a lot of time in my life that i do things quickly and not carefully..

and the result goes so and so..

i felt embarass a bit because a smart person will figure the kind of effort it took for that video.

it's just that during the editing i didin't realise i was doing it again.
i want it to finished so quickly so i'll get over that..

i thought i'm enjoying it, but i just want to get over it quick..

and i don't want to be do that again..to produce or make something lacking of effort..

god i'm so twisted..

i guess that's why a lot of times in my life, i happen to fail to get the result i want..

because i never cared what it will be like in the end, or what i will gain along the journey, i just wanted it to end..

but i do feel tired making it happen.because i'm not enjoying it i guess..

and that should stop right there.i should make that stop.


moving on.. i've finished this book today..it's the one i borrowed from diana..




anyway..i don't think it's something i would want to read in future..

romance-don't expect much in it
friendship-twisted and very complicated because bel thinks that ashley is mean and hate her but ashley just want bel to care(wutever dat sort of stuff)
and she put it in very odd way to go through a story like that.

like sometimes you don't know what's this event got to do with anything.

it's boring in a way that she put a lot of events unrelated to the plot..

misleading.that's the word..it's not even much about a reunion after 15 years.

more about a worried mother and life of four friends after they graduate..

wutever.it's a yawn..

sorry to say that so bluntly..but it is....

i guess i gottago and read through the function of nilai estetika and garisan
in paintings but they call it catan in malay, because i got quiz and i need to get 4 this short sem..

till then..wutever

aku memang tak get it..

what with people and being emotional..

kalaw kekadang takpe gak, ni all the tyme..ko je yng nak marah, ko je yg need space, ko je yg need tyme out..

mcm evrything is about you..

pastuh org kene just leave ko alone because all the burden in theworld like fall on your shoulder..

and ko yg tak get what people mean, tapi ko tak try nak understand and yet ko tros melenting like you own everything..

man..this few months i got to know you closer..

aku rase aku yang hurt..

what about me..what about what i feel..

what about what i have hold so far..

nape pentingkan diri sgt..

i'm so tired of this.again