better than yesterday

i woke up today and the clock shows that it was already 12 something in the afternoon..never felt so lonely like this waking up..

and i was thinking about wut happen yesterday, wut's been going on before i slept(because that's the first thing i do when i wake up)

and then ow yess i remembered..

i was upset that evening with how things goes and i pick my advice in the jar for that day and it tells me to overcome my difficulties by facing it and then i thought it was ridiculous and pick another one eventhough it's supposed to be one advice for a a day.and the second advice is saying "try to make urself happy by making other people happy and laugh with them"

i throw it back in because it was obviously ridiculous!!!

and then it came up to me that
i don't need advices..i don't need to listen to the jar because i know wut's best which is being angry at this person for treating me like somekind of crap!!

i don't need to giv a damn trying to make people laugh..because it's tiring and in the end of the day u just feel that it's a waste of time.u never feel happy making people happy..

tht is just fact..

u never did..

making people happy and at the same tyme put urself away for them makes u feel unbearably useless and of course being used..

i thought it have always been that way..i just didin't realise that..

i guess i've grown to just become aware of how this world can be..and it's harsh..

that's just fact, not some advice that u pick from a jar..

so i cleaned myself up and make my way to the faculty..

and stay all day in the air-conditioned classroom with syaza psycho..

and i never feel so calm in my lyfe.. like totally calm away from the harsh world out there..in the classroom reading about the gene organisation, having a hot cup of coffee with the chicken bread i bought..


and syaza was asking some crazy questions about my g-spot..(yeah she's a maniac)

and i went like i dunno, i never had sex..then she got all excited and then she says figure that out!!

and i was curious, and she said that she just can't stop reading it the night before..

and then it rained..
it was nice..

today was nice..atleast better than yesterday..it wasn't the best,it was just a nice day..
and i wish it'll be better the next day..because i want to have better in me and in life.

since a couple weeks ago, i hav been feeling that i can't express my words anymore in this place. it's stressing to not being able to put into words what u want to say for the day.

i mean its enough with the fact that u don't really settle in the normal conversation or normal life but it's awful to not be able to put the things into word.. because it supposed to be easy for me.. and so i only read people's blog.

i was reading this guy's blog again and anyway he rites awful stuff, always have some bad ass, egoistic comment about the things happening around the world. but it was enuff to have something to read for the day besides the genetic analysis and principle book..

and i skip onto another blog which was also boring..
anyway i've been joining this dinner event for the college just for the sake of not wearing the fancy costume for that day, so i volunteer to be one of the ajk.

wutever.it's still fucking ridicilous..

and then, there's this person that comes infront and telling us wut to do..

he says something like this :

ok, saye harap sume org buat keje nanti..tolong bagi kerjesame..

saye tak suke nk marah2 tapi jgn smpai saye ckp bende tak baik..

and he went on:

biar saye cakap siket tentang diri saye, saye ni bukannye suke marah2 tapi klaw saye ckp ade hati yg akan terluke..(and i was like wut the hell, do i for 1 sec look like i care).






and i was laughing myself out wishing no one notice me at that tyme because bende tu teramat lah poyo and tak penting..

anyway dinner tuh will be hell in a number of days..

so i will get busy at least..and then there's this driving license i have to attend..perhaps i'll drive one day and knock his car dowwn..

wutever..

anyway i guess that's it..another boring post and not-so-enthusiastic one from me..

i'll get back when i'm out of this phase..

i went through evry single difficulties today..

because the advice that i pick from the jar says that
the only way to overcome ur difficulties is by overcoming it..

yeahh and it's still difficult..i dunno wut the person that invent the advices were thinking.

i still feel trouble and feel so much difficulties is still around me..

i'm annoyed. and there's this book i got for my bufday and well of course the 100 advice jar that trying to tell me there's a long way to go before achieving greatness and happyness..

yeah i hope that works..

it's just that things have been so messed up rite now.

and tonite i feel so awful..
just don't know wut to do..

i just need to pull myself together and straightened things out.

20 and fabulous.haha

i'm infront of the computer in my house and there's this
moulin rouge my sister's switch on tv..

they're breathing loudly..and now nicole kidman is dying..
ow rite in fact she just did..

i've came back for the holiday..skang tenga selamat lepak2 kat umah..after some week of shiyt i've been spending in my life kat mane lagi kann.

anyway i'm 20, since 4 days ago..

yeah..i knoe.
so fast isn't it..

aku finally 20..

sometimes deep inside i kind of freak out..feel scared like u're so tiny
and the world is a rough place..and then u're this 20 years old gurl yg kene
lead a 20 years old life..

and yeah it's tyme to make some changes..

i've been thinking for a while..
ade bnyak bende yg aku need to achieve so takde laa rase being twenty sie2 je..
the thing is bole ke tak..

tu je..harap2 bole laa.

being twenty kind of make me look back wut i've been through in the past..
yes, my life was exciting and fun.and i'm fun.but skang nih mcm turn upside down for awhile..

and i'm just gonna do something about it..just watch me..

u knoe wut, katy perry can really sing.

anyway my point is, let's grow up and live life, and become happy like we shud..

i shud do something and rock the world..

become a better person.

i've receive a lot of message and words from frends and the people that i know..

thanx anyway..

i mean beside the fact yg nadya call to tell me how pathetic my lyfe still is and she's doing great(so wutever), i do appreciate the thought of evryone else..

and to the people that have been in my life, knowing me, share the joy and
have the urge to be crazy with me..
just thanx.
i'm 20 and i will never forget wut i've been through so far wit u people..
i'ts been great knowing and sharing joy and pain with u guys..

okay i better stop before this gets lame..