craziness and some movie

i'm still waiting for the exam results to come out..
there's no news of anything not even a sign..

i just hope i did well..

walaupon immunology mcm crap gile aku betol2 forgot the properties of vaccines tapi ntah laa..maybe there will atleast be a light in this sorrow pathway..

and not to forget aku tak tau aku jwb betol ke tak in bacteriology..

wut is that ancient hyperthermophile that doesn't evolved from other ancestor again?

i'll look that up..

i have this memory lost so suddenly this days..i can say it's been happening for years..

there's this one time i was i was reading this newspaper and there's an article about penyakit kusta..

and i can't remember the english name at that tyme eventhough i wrote it so many tymes..

the world seems to fall down and there's black clouds everywhere..i just can't breath not remmbering the disease in english because we do study that during that semestars..i was at mak long's how at that tyme..

i quickly excuse myself and drove back to ukm as fast as i could coz i can't think of anything else..as soon as i got into my room, quickly flip my notes and there it is leprosy.yeah.what a relieve..yes it's leprosy..

i know wut u people might think.but wutever atleast i felt better..and no i do not suffer from any disorder or psychological disease, i just don't want to forget what i have learnt so far.

yeah call me a geek..it's not that bad being one anyway..

enough of this obsesive compulsion thingy,,

moving on..so today went to the movies and watch rapunzel..the 3D seats are full so we only manage to get the non 3D rapunzel..

i't not exactly a happy movie or so..

it's kindda sad..no i'm not being a drama queen..it's really sad movie..a little..with a happy ending of course..that's wut they make fairytales for..

and now i'm catching up with some gilmore..

food and birthdays

ok sitting at home doing nothing has been some kind of a routine...

tapi ade ar gak a few tymes i'll drive pegi kuantan to check things out..

yesterday went to check out shoes and then today gi check out baju yang sweet hot n buatkan aku tak nmpak mumsy..

yeah, so wutever.

anyway it was hakim and hazim's birthday last week and we bought sebijik cake and mum cook meehoon and invite a couple of kids in the neighborhood..

i drove and pick this cake and then bought bende2 lain..lame ar gak merayau..
anyway balek je mak cm da nk bebel coz u know there's these kids yang da sit there waiting..mane aku tau sape suroh korng dtg awal..

n mak start to membebel and bla bla bla going on about janji pkol brape skang pukol brape ko pegi mane da lame bebudak tunggu..

ok skip that part.atleast i came back with a cake..a nice big one..and it also taste great..mane taknye cheesecake..

ok then bebudak ni dah habes blasah sume makanan kitorang and makcik zu and semue da balik da tyme2 maghrib and aku terlupe yg aku bli 12 pieces of big apple's donut and ade two large pizza kat kerete..hahha

hmm bnyaknye bende yg aku blom mkn lagii..

hmmmm hepi nye..ok tu je..

da end of story..dat day was a happy day sebab bnyak bende bole makan..

pastuh mak pon start berkerot2 and went on ape lagi yg ko bli tu tak cukop mkn ke budak nih..

eleh2 bebel je tapi mkn jugak bile aku bukak pizza..hmmm.toyol pon same..

fat

i've been hibernating at home for almost a week as usual..
reading people's blog, eating, cooking (hhehe asal tak caye), and watch semua cerite yang boleh ditonton..

okay this is getting boring tapi try find somting to do each day..

i've been catching up with grey's anatomy season 6.. i know so last season skang da season 7 tapi nk buat cmne da tak dapat tgk been busy with stuff and mmg tak ditayangkan kat malaysia lagi, lain la kalaw ko bole bagi aku satelite thru abc channel(is that even correct)..

the, as usual la da dok umah makan ar pe lagi...n i just can't stop..
mcm everywhre,evry corner i sit kene ade something untuk aku munch2 and chop2..

mcm habit..food is like some sort of addiction.so yesterday i went to town and then before that i was figuring out what to wear because da bnyak baju aku yang da fit and ketat and then mom pass out this pants yang die da x pakai and ow my god da smppai shopping centre bru aku prasan how mumsy i look..

aku mcm mummy..

and then aku freak out ar plak tgk betape hodohnye diri aku pegang handbag and a cup of ice cream sambil jalan dengan toyol kecik sebla aku..

n then this people yg nk edarkan flyers pasal tuition anak nk pass flyers tu kat aku..like i'm walking beside my son..

and aku pon suroh adik aku jalan kat lain sebab i don't wanna look like his mom..

aku: ko pi jalan sane jgn jalan ngn aku

hazim: apsal plak

aku:jalan je laa sane..aku ni bknnye mak ko..aku ni mude lagi tau(saje ckp kuat2 hahah)

and then today while munching down some wafer role there's this girl in america's nex top model on tv that wear this tights that make her thighs look the same size as my arm..

gile evil these people..

mcm mocking aku pon ade aku rase..

tapi i had fun..
i wanna eat..

food are like happiness to me..

i can't do nothing without them..

dilema tol la..
susa ar jadi gemok..

rase cm pkai pape pown tak fit..

okee..

i'm safe at home..it's been 5 days and i'm bless with food..

yess..

and today is raye aidiladha..

so we had ayam masak merah, lontong, with rendang and serunding from mak long's..

and i ate it all..

and dinner was great too.

my sis cook tom yam campor.

i had tom yam and ayam goreng with white rice..

and for dessert i had i cup of vanilla ice cream with hershey's chocolate sauce..

now in my room listening to taylor swift's tim mcgraw and lying under the comforter..

isn't life just great..

thank GOD.

actinomycetes, diziness and people with vectors on their face

still in the libry..

this is so boring..
the lab reports seems never going to end..

the atmosphere makes me sleepy.

and there's this person in front of this table keep talking about the vector that equals, the vector that equals.

he keep coming around to talk about vectors..since yesterday

this is so like the scene in the movie where the geeks try to make a mathematical joke.

yeah so wutever.

i shud let my spirit high and continue.

lunch and more obligations

in the libry finishing some lab reports..
tetibe melencong plak bace blog dis guy..

i've read quite a post from him tapi aku still tak jumpe what is that something yang attract people to read his. bnyak gile follower and aku bace blog ni pon sebab
some fren reccomendkan tapi i just don't get..

i mean seriously..

aku tak paham asal people read blog die..
aku seriously rase blog die biase and i dunno perhaps e bit dorky..

anyway.
i've finished biometry exam today and it was so and so..
ade lagi 10 days before the big major subjects..
struggle for weeks kat sni makes me so relieve after habes biomet sebab atleast ade gap panjang u ollz

hey lunch was awesome today!

after je biomet end,i went to pick up my lunch.

i had nasi lauk smbal blacan , ikan talapia berlade, paru goreng garing and telor asin tambah kuah lemak puteh..

rase macam dapat that quincy power yg bebudak dalam bleach nak..

pastuh after that grab a sundae cone for dessert,yumm..

it's like i've been blessed for so long..

ok better get back to work..

it's going to be a long way to go.. nak start balek stadi after these reports..wish me luck..

coffee, work and more katy perry

okay, okay okay..

program da abes. aku free.

khidmat masyrakat finally ended..

i've experienced a lot.

and now aku bkan lagi pengarah penajaan
it was damn tiring.

picking where i've left things, rite now sitting on my desk studying finishing some gene expression assignment and listening to katy perry.

rase macam back to normal.

my life is back..

it's so boring but it's back and i miss it..

ntah la deep inside there's this sad empty feeling but i don't know what it is and why it's there..

can't even figure it out.

okay let's get back to work.

ow my god..

aku damn annoyed

ape masalah sume lelaki dlm dunie ni ha?!

nape diorng such a pitiful,ass, stingy,crappy, x respect org,egoistic,chauvinist pig.

da la ckp dgn org tak pandang muke, lepastuh perintah2,tak boleh harap, mintak tolong siket bnyak alsan.

pastuh irresponsible and tak thankful langsung aku da buatkan keje engkau..

i just hate ur face!!!

aah setan..

tak kesah la umor ko brape..

semua lelaki same je..

i swear to god i tot it was 2 hours and then it was 1 hours and 30 minutes..

and then she said u got another five minuts and

i've realise that i'm doomed..

it's all in my head..

i got it.

i know it..

but i just didin't get a chance to write it..

this is the doomest moments of my life ever..

i can't even describe it in words..

ow my god.

ow my god.

like for a moment u thought u got all of them under control..

the next thing u know is that u're just stuck in this black hole and u have

no way out..

i just can't believe this..

i work so hard for this..

i work sooo damn hard!

just finish the aeromonads part of microbe pathogen diagnosis notes..

i was listening to this song from cinderella stepsister ost..

just reminded a lot about the whole drama i've been watching two months ago..

it's a great story.

felt like watching it again.

anyway

been sitting here all day studying my ass off the gene thing in prokaryotes..

god..this is just so difficult..

never stop thinking of home..

how much i wanted to be there rite now..

this is harder than i thought it is..

i was so hungry don't eat anything the whole day and

then i finish another part of the arabinose operon and went down warta to grab

a cheese burger and some coffee..

yeah my little pathetic life..

i was so hungry that i couldn't stop munching on the counter and while driving, and i start thinking when will this ever ends..

wutever anyway, if this is gods will that i'm on it..

no matter how difficult this will get..

i'm on it..

no matter how many cheese burger and improper meal i'll have every single day or

how occupied my tyme and life will be..

i'm just on it..

if this is wut i have to do to finish this studies, then i'm on it..

i'll hang in there..

i can do this..

i'll move on.

and i'm on my next chapter

back for good

i'm in ukm.

in my room..finishing some reports.

it was a 5 hours drive getting here..

and yeah keje and stuff still bnyak blom settle.

just hope i'll finish them on tyme..

i was driving in the entrance of this place and it felt so weird..

i mean a few years ago i never imagine that one day i'll be driving alone in this dark hollow place to be the first person yg reach this place to settle work load..

i never imagine i'm leading this kind of life anyway..

it felt so empty here..
it's so quiet..

mcm u want to be somewhere else at this tyme so much tapi u have to holdback for this tyme..

i'm just sitting in this chair infront of this computer while listening to taylor swift country bits trying to finish wut i have to..

it's okay..it's for a good cast..

i'll get through this..

raye

ok i'm alive..

i am..
it's just that i've been busy..
u know exams and stuff and then suddenly it's raye..

i do received some comments from a people that happen to read my latest post..
and then from nadia..

hmm aku alive laa bangang..
i mean besides the facts yg aku receive an email from her mcm nk ugot bunoh pon ade, she really is something u know..

mcm ko tak bole get away from this little prick once ko da get to know her..
i mean seriously same mcm dulu.. tak brubah.

anyway life goes on..
a few days ago aku hampir2 crash my father's red myvii punye side mirror sebab reverse laju sgt..

aku ingt lepas la space kecik tu skali telanggar..
naseb takde pape...driving pon tenga nk improve..

kat jb plak tuh..hmm maklum je laa..

raye was tiring..ade some people yg datang taknak balek2.
aku tau la ni raye tapi rilek laa bknnye kite tak pena jumpe..

kalaw umah aku da mcm umah ko baek aku tak yah balek umah..
sumenye nk ikot order ko, susa la weh..

anyway kind a busy rite..tak bole write much..

i'll write later,

bubye

again and again

so. it's been a while.
i'm not sure what happen.. i just don't think i can write anything during the past months..

so i guess everyone is in semester break..

there's been a lot happen since i left this space..
anyway..

let's just move on..

driving sucks..
exam sucks..

and the most important thing is
i made my own kek batek..

yeah..
scrumptious..

trust me it really was..

there's nothing much to do around here, except waiting for this fucking
jpj test.

i hope i'll pass

man i hope i pass.

i was going through some channels and then i came across this music
show where they invited yuna on.

anyway,

i paused and paid attenion.

and then she started singing..

then i suddenly realised.

didin't she sound like lenka..

i mean seriously.

exactly lenka..

except for the fact that lenka's songs are way better and great than any of hers...

so the thing is if any of you like her singing or her tone, try listening to lenka..
u'll like that kind of thing better..

i'm just trying to let u people listen to something better..

ow try listen to 'live like u're dying' by lenka.

it's a great song..or maybe troble is a friend..

wutever..

there's this post grad fair in klcc on saturday and sunday and i was thinking on going..

i know i haven't even finish my degree.but i'm just curious on what's next u know..
like what happen after that..

i have to have a plan atleast..

i'm not being all serious or geeky here, i'm just trying to have something to look forward to after those hard core subjects and credit hours..and the late nights mcdonalds that i usually have when we studying most of the tyme..

there's gotta be more to that..

there shud be..

and i need it so much..

like something, something different to happen..

something so kick ass and good..

like more to life, more than just classes, group activities, libry, mcdonalds
and chit chat..

to look forward too.
cause by the end of the day, i find myself

still searching for that to happen..

atleast izzie stevens gets to cut the lvad wire when she is so crazy in love.

what about me...

what thing will i ever do.

i'll just go to bed and lie down thinking like i used to

another piece of shit

ok let's just pretend this..
pretend that all of us are not out of our freaking mind

would you people actually listen to stuff like kristal, keindahan pantai, or perhaps the new version of tomok singing crazy in love..

no right?

i know i won't..

but they putting it in a new form of band at letting these losers perform the
night at the dinner party of kolej keris mas..

yeah tell me about being gay.

and people actually listen to them..like thay somekind of the new block in town..

and it's crazy!!

people are crazy!

and it's out.

out there..

like ticking time bomb and they love it..

they put on bottles of hair gel on the fringe and swing guitars..
and it was ridiculous

there's this proud face and that full of pride expression..

and i can't help myself from laughing my ass out..

we were sitting in the seats of the hall and i was reading at that time..

and i CANNOT even start the next sentence when these people doing the rehearsal..

because it's fucking wrong!!

the whole thing.the bass, the vocal, the arrangment,

that stupid face..

like u come from
the recycle kids that got thrown out from akademi fantasia 4!

and we all know how much that sucks!

i just cant help it..

i got to write it down, because it's so shameful and full of shit.

okay..name band die chorus..

and i dindin't even know which part of the song is the chorus..

HAHAHAHHAh..
u suck!!

u guys suck!!

and it was a bad idea putting them up for the performance..

a huge mistake..yeah.

anyway it's over..just the thought of it makes u want to write it down..

moving on..i've just finish a book.
the undomestic goddess.

another chic lit..

and the book is fine..

just what i need after a long week of busy and full of schedule thing..

it's realaxing..just to lie down on ur bed, not doing anything and read this book..

makes me wanna be in love..

fine i'll take that back..

it feels nice reading that's all..

i just better stop writting.wut ever anyway

save me, not you

aku bru abes due paper mid sem exam termasok today..

bnyak lagi bisnes yg kene fixed..
and i'm running out of tyme..

dgn dinner punye meje lagi tak settle..anyway i'm not going to talk about that today..

because dinner kkm suckks!!

and evryone yg attend that kind of thing is sick!

sometimes i just find myself pacing in and out..
just taking my own tyme..

anyway aku mkan nasi lemak letak ayam ngn nasi tomato tadi..

rase mcm bru dapat kuase quincy balek mcm dlm bleach tuh..
lapo gile dow tak mkn satu ari..

da gile ke beb!

anyway everyone's seems asleep..

and aku just tenga figure out nk crash kat mane this weekend

becoz ahad takde current..

mcm bodoh pon ade..

it's not like i have a house near here..

i was just walking down the street and then i realise how nice and quiet this night is..

not scary at all..

like totally away from evryone..

i sometimes wish that i can be invisble for a moment..

so that people can't see me or talk to me..

or you don't have to meet their eyes and tell them all the things that
they need to listen.

tell her everythying that only makes her feel better..

but not the truth..

because lying everyday, kills me so much..

and it's not enjoyable anymore..

especially when u did that right infront of her face..

it's sickening.and the biggest liar award goes to me once again..

because the truth is i never feel alright with you..

you're everywhere and sometimes when u're not everywhre

u're absent all the tyme..

and i hate that both..
u being absent and u're being everywhere,

maybe i just hate the idea of having you around..

i wish i could just say it..

just tell u that u're the safest person i ever met..

u're safe..

with every single thing that evolve around you..

u never know how this world can be because u live in that empty
room of yours..

u never try come out..

u don't know wut it's like..

u blame people for wut happen because that's the safest way to live things..

u shut urself in ur nest and wake up trying to think that the world can do u no harm..

because that's the safest thing to think about..

and thinking that i always enjoy having around makes u safe but the truth is, it's not like that at all..

u just used people without even realising that..and yet u're still safe..

and sometimes i do that too..use u..just to find a way out when i'm in a mess..

so stop..

using me and being used by me..

because u don't how unbelievably unpleasent it is..having u as a friend..

because i don't feel save being around you..

better than yesterday

i woke up today and the clock shows that it was already 12 something in the afternoon..never felt so lonely like this waking up..

and i was thinking about wut happen yesterday, wut's been going on before i slept(because that's the first thing i do when i wake up)

and then ow yess i remembered..

i was upset that evening with how things goes and i pick my advice in the jar for that day and it tells me to overcome my difficulties by facing it and then i thought it was ridiculous and pick another one eventhough it's supposed to be one advice for a a day.and the second advice is saying "try to make urself happy by making other people happy and laugh with them"

i throw it back in because it was obviously ridiculous!!!

and then it came up to me that
i don't need advices..i don't need to listen to the jar because i know wut's best which is being angry at this person for treating me like somekind of crap!!

i don't need to giv a damn trying to make people laugh..because it's tiring and in the end of the day u just feel that it's a waste of time.u never feel happy making people happy..

tht is just fact..

u never did..

making people happy and at the same tyme put urself away for them makes u feel unbearably useless and of course being used..

i thought it have always been that way..i just didin't realise that..

i guess i've grown to just become aware of how this world can be..and it's harsh..

that's just fact, not some advice that u pick from a jar..

so i cleaned myself up and make my way to the faculty..

and stay all day in the air-conditioned classroom with syaza psycho..

and i never feel so calm in my lyfe.. like totally calm away from the harsh world out there..in the classroom reading about the gene organisation, having a hot cup of coffee with the chicken bread i bought..


and syaza was asking some crazy questions about my g-spot..(yeah she's a maniac)

and i went like i dunno, i never had sex..then she got all excited and then she says figure that out!!

and i was curious, and she said that she just can't stop reading it the night before..

and then it rained..
it was nice..

today was nice..atleast better than yesterday..it wasn't the best,it was just a nice day..
and i wish it'll be better the next day..because i want to have better in me and in life.

since a couple weeks ago, i hav been feeling that i can't express my words anymore in this place. it's stressing to not being able to put into words what u want to say for the day.

i mean its enough with the fact that u don't really settle in the normal conversation or normal life but it's awful to not be able to put the things into word.. because it supposed to be easy for me.. and so i only read people's blog.

i was reading this guy's blog again and anyway he rites awful stuff, always have some bad ass, egoistic comment about the things happening around the world. but it was enuff to have something to read for the day besides the genetic analysis and principle book..

and i skip onto another blog which was also boring..
anyway i've been joining this dinner event for the college just for the sake of not wearing the fancy costume for that day, so i volunteer to be one of the ajk.

wutever.it's still fucking ridicilous..

and then, there's this person that comes infront and telling us wut to do..

he says something like this :

ok, saye harap sume org buat keje nanti..tolong bagi kerjesame..

saye tak suke nk marah2 tapi jgn smpai saye ckp bende tak baik..

and he went on:

biar saye cakap siket tentang diri saye, saye ni bukannye suke marah2 tapi klaw saye ckp ade hati yg akan terluke..(and i was like wut the hell, do i for 1 sec look like i care).






and i was laughing myself out wishing no one notice me at that tyme because bende tu teramat lah poyo and tak penting..

anyway dinner tuh will be hell in a number of days..

so i will get busy at least..and then there's this driving license i have to attend..perhaps i'll drive one day and knock his car dowwn..

wutever..

anyway i guess that's it..another boring post and not-so-enthusiastic one from me..

i'll get back when i'm out of this phase..

i went through evry single difficulties today..

because the advice that i pick from the jar says that
the only way to overcome ur difficulties is by overcoming it..

yeahh and it's still difficult..i dunno wut the person that invent the advices were thinking.

i still feel trouble and feel so much difficulties is still around me..

i'm annoyed. and there's this book i got for my bufday and well of course the 100 advice jar that trying to tell me there's a long way to go before achieving greatness and happyness..

yeah i hope that works..

it's just that things have been so messed up rite now.

and tonite i feel so awful..
just don't know wut to do..

i just need to pull myself together and straightened things out.

20 and fabulous.haha

i'm infront of the computer in my house and there's this
moulin rouge my sister's switch on tv..

they're breathing loudly..and now nicole kidman is dying..
ow rite in fact she just did..

i've came back for the holiday..skang tenga selamat lepak2 kat umah..after some week of shiyt i've been spending in my life kat mane lagi kann.

anyway i'm 20, since 4 days ago..

yeah..i knoe.
so fast isn't it..

aku finally 20..

sometimes deep inside i kind of freak out..feel scared like u're so tiny
and the world is a rough place..and then u're this 20 years old gurl yg kene
lead a 20 years old life..

and yeah it's tyme to make some changes..

i've been thinking for a while..
ade bnyak bende yg aku need to achieve so takde laa rase being twenty sie2 je..
the thing is bole ke tak..

tu je..harap2 bole laa.

being twenty kind of make me look back wut i've been through in the past..
yes, my life was exciting and fun.and i'm fun.but skang nih mcm turn upside down for awhile..

and i'm just gonna do something about it..just watch me..

u knoe wut, katy perry can really sing.

anyway my point is, let's grow up and live life, and become happy like we shud..

i shud do something and rock the world..

become a better person.

i've receive a lot of message and words from frends and the people that i know..

thanx anyway..

i mean beside the fact yg nadya call to tell me how pathetic my lyfe still is and she's doing great(so wutever), i do appreciate the thought of evryone else..

and to the people that have been in my life, knowing me, share the joy and
have the urge to be crazy with me..
just thanx.
i'm 20 and i will never forget wut i've been through so far wit u people..
i'ts been great knowing and sharing joy and pain with u guys..

okay i better stop before this gets lame..

i have just gone through some pictures from people's pages..

i mean from people's facebook..

of kos la the people yg aku knal or used to see..

fine aku xde facebook..wtever i tot it was stupid..putting ur face up there and then say the stuff yg people will comment..

wtever.stupid..

anyway as i was saying, i've been flipping through people's pics..
the pics of people around yg aku slalu nmpak berlegar2 socializing kat cafe like a bunch of losers..

yeah they like belong to a clique..

which u know, the sort yg sanggop nk tunggu masakan panas nk dekat satu jam
and then socialize ngn a bunch of people and then have these weird expression like they don't even know wut they're doing..

bullshit..all of it was bullshit..

bgi aku baik ko masak megi dlm bilek dpd ko melangok tak tentu hale
dudok kat kafe smpai mini mart tutop..
or just read a book will ya..

and the stuff yg korng been doing, it's not cool..

okY..

it's not even cool to hang out with seniors or wutever..

stop being some sort of senior gang like it's something in..

it's not..

it's a waste of tyme..

find ur own life man..

and bagi aku lelaki yg pegi karaoke is damn gay..
it proofs enuff..

and klaw da tau baju ko singkat tahap nmpak cleavage, go buy a new one!!

disgusting tau tak cleavage all over facebook..

maybe i'm living for myself or maybe i lead a dark pathetic lyfe but atleast
i'm not being superficial and hang out with seniors..

okay..

i have just the entire scenario of wut's really going on out there..for the first tyme i actually know..

and tolong lah jgn nk berpolitik, mcm it's so cool sokong the people or the party yg korng rase betoll..

korng bru fes year kowt..rilek suda.xyah poyo ar nk berkempen skali..

u don't even know wut it's like..or wut's going on..

halamak annoying dow aku tgk !

i was standing infront of the mirror.
looking into myself..
clutching my bag with me..

this is me..this is my life..

and it is so dull..
nothing..
just flat..

and then i said to myself..

'mendatar, mendatar, mendatar sabrina'..

i don't know wut happen.. i just don't get it..

i pull myself and make my way through the pavement..

how 'exciting' is this..

yeah very exciting..

i walk and walk untill i reached the corridor of the second floor..making my way passing each room..and i stop at the room 222...

i opened the door, and there she was,

lying on her bed..not opening her eyes..

and it's still the room..then seperate me from the real world..

it will always be just me and my spot, mu bed, my study table..

it's the same scenerey every now and then..

the same smelll.

one day when i really get tired of this, perhaps i'll just bury myself out and burnt this whole place down..

and then i stood on my bed wishing for a miracle to come..

i am a big liar..
a liar..
that's wut i am..

and sometimes it's unavoidable..

i make things up a lot of tyme..
just to make things more lively and fun..

i invent stories,

just to see wut people would think the climax will be..

i'll survive with this one..

i will.

trust me..
believe in me..

i will

stupid

just got back from the libry..

okeh aku macam totally kenyang.

i was riding the bus just now lepastuh ade karaoke yg pkcik tu pasang..
mestilah rock kapak jiwang. cm lah korang tak ley guess

ow my god aku rase roomate aku dah hilang akal..
die nk gi slimming program yg cost seratos enam puluh tu dow..

wut the hell is she thinking..nk tolak bajet mkn malam lagi..
n then that guy in charge sarankan die minom air like 6 litre a day..
aku rase produk tuh MEREPEK..

i told her a lot of tyme..
die betol2 determined beb..

she's still calculating..

there's this tyme where u just get so sick of explaining stuff to people..
like they caN't read or fail to notice wut is between the line..

just like that 'satu hati due jiwa' movie yg A.Rzak mohaideen buat..
ntah..why can't people see that it's some sort of mockery..

merepek gile dow!!
tolongla, smpai bile industri filem malaysia nk maju!!

buat ape ko nk buat filem about that..
ko ingat diorng having fun ke living a life stuck together like that!

for the eleventh tyme, tolong lah buat homework and pikir betol2 before ko habeskan another million on some stupid project..

why people have these much of money anyway..
brape bnyak lagi penyakit yg ade kat dunie ni yg masih belom ade obat untuk
cure kan these disease..
why don't put money on that!!
i am so pissed of people yg membazir duit on something yg totally MEREPEK..

howh my god!

i hate this industry so much..

u got to be kidding me..

alah aku benci lah org yg tertibe dtg interrupt!

halah nk be honest to people pon susah lah
these days..

i'm going to be a liar smpai bile ek agaknye..

this is torcher..

damn

wobble

my heart is beating like hell..

this is it.

esok presentation.
infront of the whole kuliah..

aku bley die out nervousness..

cmne klaw something happen..

cmne klaw die tnye soalan yg aku tak tau..
aku sgt berdebar..

aku da bace sume but i'm still worried..
cmne klaw sume org tgk aku..
wut if i die out there..

tlg laa!!!

i'm hyperventilating..

i can't breath..

i'm so doom..

da lah bnyak gile drama yg happen along the process of making the presentation..
this is just overwhelming...

i can't do this..

nape ni sabrina!

okay skang nk kene bace balek wobble hypothesis just in case i don't make
a full out of myself..

suddenly aku rase cm aku plak yg wobble..

that's it..that's just it..

aku rase i'm going to kill every single people yg name karim..

and aku rase cm nk bako sume tuna mayonaise yg ade dekat 'BILLIOn'..

i had it.i had enuff..

n then aku rase cm nk bunuh sume pekerje yg angkat telipon kat undrgraduate financial centre..

n then aku rase, aku rase, abang cafe yg buat burger and bako ikan tuh perlu tau
yg aku ade crush on die..

this is difficult..my life is difficult..

maybe aku patot mengaku je kat sume org skang yg aku xde secret admirer..

howh my god..this is killing me..i can't lie anymore..

and aku rase aku patot ckp je kat dat gurl yg aku rase balak die keling..

kann senang klaw aku bole ckp cmtuh cmne aku ckp kat diana yang lipi itam..

okay i'm studying for my presentation in genetic code..
god. this is harder than i think it is..

cmne ni..

and i still think that he's a moron..

may god bless me..

dear mr. x..

dear mr. x,

sometimes i think u're a moron..yeah i do think that..
i dunno wut are u trying to say ever since u enter the lecture hall..
you always describe the stuff that is not in the topic for that day and you never explain in detail wut do you mean in every statement u said like that tyme when u said that the mitochondria is actually inherited by our mother..does that mean that the genetic material from mitochondria is inherited from our mother or is it that we have a mitochondria the same as our mother..i'm still trying to figure that out..

i'm still trying to figure that out untill now..do you really have a problem in explaining that because as far as i'm concern its really ur job to make us understand..we're the student and you're the lecturer remmber? we pay like almost a thousand and a half for just some lesson that we're not very certain of the understanding,. i pay and i hope to see results..

anyway, i was pissed today to find that i never simply understand a thing u said, so i know that i have to go to the libry again to make things clear and i wonder again wut is the point of going to ur lecture..listening to you is like listening to the channel rtm that i always switch off when i arrive to the channel, and perhaps i hate tv becos of rtm..yeah. so don't make me hate the subject because of you..
and one more thyng i don't even know ur name..sometimes seeing u standing there infront of everyone is like seeing an 8 year old giving a lecture..this is rather harsh but i don't care..i don't care about you.. i care about my education..because i love myself and my fantasy and dream of living in a 6 room apartment..i love money and apartment..yeah u shud know that. u're crushin the dream of a nice girl who have a bright future..

wutever..i know by thinking that u're a moron will not solve anything but i wished for thing to be easier for me..so u try to figure things out before even steping inside the hall..

check mara xsampai lagi..damn i'm broke...
not exactly..just it would be nice to have some money now..

so atlast lecturer molecular biology and titas masok jugak atlast..
hah..and it turned out yg lecturer titas aku sgt hilarious..i was flipping a few pages about the organization of genetic material in eukaryote when i come to realise that i'm not spiritful enuff to continue reading that..

i really nee that spirit that i used to have when i study something..i'm still trying..nape ntah mlm ni rase malas sgt..isit gap je..nk kat 10 kali kowt gap..
okeh lecture molecular biology mcm freaky..he like ask u evry single detail thing that we have learnt in matrik..mcm yesterday die tnye wut is a genome and he wants a different answer for evry single people yg die ask..and he also thinks that english is a stupid language..yeah he thinks that..

he even states some words in english to prove how stupid it sounded..so my lesson had just started and there's mid exam a couple of week from now..

aku plak masih terabe2 dlm kuliah molecular biology..and then there's genetic where i have a problem with the lecture..

yes i have a problem with your lecture mr. x..
i just don't feellike doing anything tonite..

have you ever see, listen or watch something that was not such a big deal but people take it so seriously that its like something big..

but it's not.it was never something...it's just an average cream pie that
you can get from the bakery, never the apple creme bule that was way better than a pie cream but this pie cream draws a lot of attention that you begin to wonder.

why is it?

what is it?

an you question yourself evry now and then why does it stays in the bakery from the very beginning..
becos it does not belong there..

it's nothing, just some dough you bake and put some cream all over it..
th cream pie tastes so wrong and you feel like it was a mistake..the whole thing was a mistake and yet people love it so much..

and then you begin to feel that the world was wrong too and that you're the only one that think you were right, but this tyme you were infact very certain about it..

and then u begin to feel sick because everyone thinks it's so great..

u know that kind of feeling was all over me these days..

why are people so blind..
why can't they see throug the dough..

was it difficult..

are they blind..
yeah i think so..i think people can be blind sometimes
and there's totally nothing that i can do to make them see that..

for everyone that is still blinded by the situation, come on grow up.
i know u better that, i mean i now you're blind but i believe that blind is just an illness that can be cure..rite?

i dunno..this is malaysia by the way..but nobody is going to decide for me what does it taste like, because i can see the truth about the cream pie with my very eyes..

i don't care about you..i don't care even if people think that it's cool or even if i look like a total moron hating it but for me the stuff that you do or struts, the thiongs that you say, the life that you told people about was absolutely nothing but just another drama..and infact it was too much of a drama..

you're not fake maybe but you nothing other than just a painful thing showing infront of my face..

you're a like a bottle of expired milk and i feel bad for you..
gudluck you guys on figuring that out.

damn..aku da try nk access kat page diana tapi tak bley..

asal ko nk private weyh?
ko ingt ko bole jadi perahsie tetibe ke?

okay..i've been very bbusy..people come here all the tyme kowt..
semalam my sis tido sini,today nazia dtg lagii..

bile evryone left rase empty sgt..
it's tyme to start all over again and move on..
i guess that's what i'm good at..

ntah laa.lately i've been getting sick of myself yg isit lie around..

i'm sick of lying..

aku, sabrina for the first tyme,

feeling sick of lying..

aku lie a lot and i'm just sick of it..

ntah laa..it's hard to stop you know..

for one second i just wanna be honest with people including me..

shit.

why does it have to become this way..