dear you over there,

ur letter came yesterday.

and mak suruh aku bace the letter..

the money came in just fine..

alot of things happen around here.

aku tak rase aku should write it in this place.

this place is only for casual stuff..

aku rase ko aware that, my whole life, there are alot of things yg aku feel tapi aku tak pena express it sebab unlike you, i don't know how..

aku pon tak tau aku pena try ke tak..

i guess that's why a few years back i use to lie my way out.

aku lie so much because it's easier than telling people the real thing, what i feel most of the time..

ur letter makes me realise how much i can not do what u did..

aku tak bole write a letter to mom saying all those stuff sebab aku memang tak bole spit it out..aku memang fail in expressing my thoughts to our parents.
u always know what u want and what u are doing..well this isn't about me though, i know that.

our family memang bukan the affectionate type like we know, tapi of all of us aku rase aku yg pling terok..

aku rase it's easier saying stuff like that to some stranger ataupon org lain yg don't really know aku dpd saying that to my family..aku tau ko rase aku silly tapi u don't know how hard this is for me..

aku memang lack of conversation with our parents..

so that day, mase mak ckp ngn aku tak payah hantar budak2 pegi fardhu ain, aku mcm seriously tak tau how to spit it out yg aku tak agree..

so there i am pacing in and out ckp pasal what i know awkwardly refusing to look at her sebab i'm not good at talking things seriously with my parents..

i went about hak sebagai seorang anak supaye parents die bole bagi education tentang agame pade die..sebab nanti dekat akhirat Allah akan tanye..

and then she looked at me in surprise..

pastuh die bagitau her reason and said why she's doing that..

so bende tuh memang acceptable..she knows what she's doing..so only for that day the kids did not go to fardhu ain class.

there's alot of stuff yg aku nak ckp to people here tapi i didin't said that..

then the letter showed up and u just spit it out in a few piece of paper..


so,

no, i cannot do this..

i guess being the unaffected one all the time has it's price..

i'm the loser.