first paper, yada yada yada

so i had my first paper today..

it was tenologi rekombinan dna..

yeah tough luck..

wish i just can do better.

i kind of forgot several features of a cloning plasmid...

doesn't that happen all the tyme..

so today, after the paper went to get some food..

i end up buying mi sop, nasi goreng and kue tiaw goreng..

it was a long endless meal i should say..

no not really.i didin't finish everything out..

so now i'm on my way to the next chapter..

go give me the spirit to try harder.

i can do this

surviving

you know..
sometimes i wish i could just be stable.

put together with my emotion.

because i'm the one who have to be like that..

i don't get to be scared or lost..tapi eventually aku got lost without people's guidance and help..

i don't ask for help..because that's just how things goes..

tapi things happen because of my own mistake and i got lost..

and there's no one out there that could just hold this hand and makes me feel better again..

but i guess i have to atleast try move on..

i can do this..

sebab kite ade God to pray to..

i mean atleast Salman Al-farisi survive his journey in finding the right religion..

his been searching for that for like 30 years or something..

so i don't get to give up..

bile kite fikir balik mcm mane those people before us yg survive as a muslim and manage to become a good one, make us want to be able to be like them..

they're strong because of they believe in..

and i want to be like that..

i know i'm not even close to that right now..

tapi atleast i should try..

so today i spent tyme working my ass off understanding the pcr reaction..just wished i can finish this subject on tyme..

it seems endless..

i have to score on this paper..

i need to find that happiness once again..

that satisfaction..

that glimpse of feeling i haven't been feeling for quiet a while..

i just need to..

i should get back to it now.

i guess the most important thing in living a life is not being selfish..

u don't have to be completely selfless, u just have to be a little less selfish
than who you are..

it's not always about you..what you want, your relationship,your stories.unless you're barbie..

kalau semue orang dalam dunie can actually have that thing in diri korng like some kind of feeling towards the people around you then i guess klaw ade pon org suffer it won't be as much as today..
i'm not a totally all cheery person or selfless or nice inside out myself tapi atleast we can try to think about other people yang carrying a lot emotional baggage because of what we did or what we want..

i couldn't imagine macam mane u felt nothing when you act like the way you do..

don't you like hear yourself speaking..listen to your conscience or you don't have one..

i don't know..

a lot of things happen and sometimes i just can't figure out why it's still happening..

macam for a minute ko feel yg ko da mature enough to handle a lot things then, another second after that you just realised you're lost on the same situation..

wouldn't it be great kalau semue org can be professional and do their job so that other people don't have to cover the hole that you make for not fulfilling your responsibility..

i just feel nothing..

i don't want to be around these people and i don't feel like acting everything is okay anymore.

because it's not okay..

i should just stop thinking and get back to reading..

spent hours to understand this pcr reaction..

self absorbed

i'm a firm believer that people need to be ethical.

why?

because this world would be a better place if people yang suke mintak2 and senseless tak ade..

aku betol2 had it with this kind of people..

maybe because i was taught to not be so self-absorbed when i was young..

bagi aku org2 mcm ni mmg susa untuk aku tolerate,

they're just so annoying..

and sometimes you just can not think of them the same way u use to feel about them..

it just totally change the whole relationship..

sape yang tak annoyed weh bile kene suruh2.

kalaw ko nk something ko bknnye bole mintak at that tyme supaye org tuh belikan ko..

and then isit ulang2 bnyak kali about that thing yang this person tak belikan ko lagi..

i dunno..

we share a lot

we have our ups and down but i don't think that is something you should do..

and i'm not that kind of person, i don't fulfill people's personal needs all the time..

i help.i give something when i feel like it..

but it's not my job to pacify you..
maybe you should figure something out..like self reflect for one second..

because i can't feel you sometimes..you're just kind of self-absorbed when it comes to what you want.