future maybe?

dudlu everytime evryone ckp pasal
ambition aku musti the one yg akan left being
clueless sebab aku seriously tak tau ape aku nk
jadi bile da beso, bile grad, bile da ade degree..
n klaw aku tnye bebudak nih mustih diorng ramai2
jwb 'mak nyah'!
fuck.. mcm aku tak tau korng. nk menghancorkan aku je..

anyway at that time aku pon tak tau ape yg akan become out of me..
and deep inside, aku rase yang aku bole jadi anything..
mcm aku nk be good in evrything..
mcm bile people talking about food sebenonye aku nk
sgt being able to make good food..
nk sngt survive bukak api or gune kuali tanpe menyebabkan ape2 terbako
kat dapor tuh..

and then when people talk about betape hebatnye budak nii bley
ingt sume bende, aku musti nk byangkan yg aku nih ade photographic memory
jgak..
i knoe it's crazy..tpi aku slalu wish aku bley ingat sume bende..

itu yg sbenanye aku fikir everytime people ask what
i will become..
but as i'm passing 19..
aku mcm pikir..
wut happen next..
get a job, be happy tu pon klaw hepi and then
the end fullstop..

is that it?

i hope not..

aku still ade bnyak lagi bende yg i wish i know wut i waNT
but i have none..

mcm life aku actually berenti in being 30..
tu je..

and aku musti sekat diri aku in even thinking of having
a family or children sebab the fact that
i'm going to have my own family scares me so much..

like aku, sabrina

will have a children and become a mother..
tak ke bende tuh mcm bizzare..

gile takowt dow..

n children??

mcm mane dengan the child yg aku going to raise
nanti..

and then i start to realise that aku mmg blom
betol2 ready for any serious responsibility..
and the most scary thing is the fact yg aku rase aku will
never be ready..

i'm so clueless man..


nevermind..
nanti pandai2 kowt aku curik anak sesape
n bele pkai bibik..

that would be nice..

god this things just got into my head
so much lately..