just some request

first of all..
if you do know the people around you that
happens to be someone your friend hate, you don't keep
rub it in people's face how good u guys make friends and
like each other..

second of all
please, just please..this is not like doing
a favor but more like a command..
stop asking people for help
just stop making people do the things
you can do on your own..

third,
shut up!!
for one moment just
shut up!
keep ur mouth shut.
so loud and disturbing..
keep the conversation to yourselves..
the whole world doesn't want to know it..

another thing is
please try to look at people when
u're talking to them..
it's rude to just talk to people without
looking at their face..

and
stop treating people like they're
some sort of joke and atleast try to
pretend that everything is okay

eventhough it's not

and even though things are falling apart..

that's just it..
that's all i'm asking..

virus.
an obligatory intracellular parasite
which means they need a living host in order to multiply.

they're not even a cell, and not really living except if they infect a host
cell then they show a living organism property..
more like a thing..like you don't really live but you'll live
once you get the right cell that you infect..
and in order to do that you have to have the right
receptor to infect the host cell.and the host cell needs to
have all the requirement for you to multiply..

more like this thing that happen around us..we're just someone else.
a virus..nothing.unless when we found that special thing that matters
in our life..that we treasure so much..it can be a serious boy-girl thing,
family relationship or friendship..we can have them all..but not everyone have all of it..just not everyone..
and when you don't have one of them, you look forward to another one..
like when you don't have that family bond, you look forward to make friends or search for love partners..
that's my hypothesis.
that's what i think..

but the thing is, what happen when you don't have the family bond thingy,
then you fail in finding the right friend..like you do not belong anywhere..
and that's horrible..
the worst thing that can ever happen to people is not having anyone
and leading a pathetic empty life..
that's why people have hobbies i guess.
a source of indulgement.
like someone i know..
you call that pathetic.even i called it pathetic.
but they're not really lucky in finding true relationship..
like us or anyone else..
and it's the same way when you have something so good then
you finally lost it..
or it just happen to slip away..
n that sucks..
a lot..


ow my god! i can't believe i'm sitting next to the same guy that's
drinks in his large bottle the last time when i was sitting beside him..
and he's doing it again..
gotta take a picture to share.that's just spoils the mood.
fucking hell.

and another bad news, hari ni ade night class at 8.15..
tak dapat buke ngn geng2 usrah..
bru je ingat nk jalan2 jap g umah kak ayu..
shit!

i haven't had a conversation with my sister for the past
few weeks..
the last thing i remember is she yelling at me from the phone
and hang up..
it's actually normal for us to do that..
but it's weird when you one of us just went silent and disappear..

still no plans for the weekends..
and my life is still falling apart.

ok..
that was weird somehow..
i just don't get that..
that kind of reaction..
kekadang it feels like you don't quiet get the people here..
wutever malas nk pikir..
ke aku yg tak patot react cm tuh..
like when ko tak tau cmne ko kne react..
you're like confused..totally..
maybe bende2 cmni matters kowt untok aku je..
suddenly i feel like i don't know myself anymore..

anyway i'm moving on.again..
there's like this time yg ko btol2 wish u can say something about
some matters or things yg happen infront of you but u just don't
because malas nk pnjang2kn cite n takot people don't understand that..
aku slalue rase there's this communication problem that occur..i dunno.weird..
and for the first time in here aku finally skip one class..
nobody knows..
like different thing happen when you're in matric..
when i skip one class ngn diana in matric people actually notice..
and then, i will get this various message saying 'pemonteng tegar'..
or wutever..
i miss that times..

i guess its different now..a lot of things different now..skang kat
cyber room just finish english class..i hate to say this but sometimes
i feel that every other people punye course lgi happening and fun..
like my academic communication classmates get to go to pulau pangkor, and redang
next week to study biodiversity there n her course is science sekitar..
totally fun..mmg laa mcm bodo je blajo pasal penyu tpi best becoz u get to travel..
n we on the other hand have to go to normal lectures and pay attention during virus lecture because u gonna so pay for it if u don't get anything in that lecture..
i mean beside the fact that it's and important topic it also happen to be taught by miss kaliavani nadarajah yg vogue gituu..
i hope she doesn't read this..
it's actually fun though..
i get that she always so serious with that scary vibe but her teaching
skills is also rare and i understand what she's talking about..
like the whole time..and i'm beginning to like virus because of her..
or i myself hav become a virus....i hope that's not true..

the thing is sometimes in lectures, in lab or in a room where it requires a lot of attention from you,i just kind of overthink..the whole thing..
mcm in biology cell lecture hari tuh, aku begin to wonder like how the buffer really works in ur body..pastu i imagine like there's this chemical thing in my cell or something that cannot withstand the acidity crap and unfortunately my system kind of fluctuate and i suddenly passed out..then i started realising back that i'm in the lecture hall..u know like ally mcbeal always fantasize things..
except this one is much more serious..

i dunno why..
it happens these days...
maybe because i'm a moron..
but i'm not..
smalam bru je pas kne curse ngan nadia sebab
tak jadi kuar dis friday which is tomorrow
sebabn ade class..she so funny when she do that..
like tetibe there's this text saying 'fuck you' or 'biatch'
hahaha..like she's the boss and could be the smallest boss (in size)
bodo.x brubah..i wonder how other people react when she did wut she did..


cek mara tak sampai lgi.shit!
i hope they know wut it feels like to be the only first year
student here yg blom dpt bli anything in the name of pleasure
because they fail to get the mail here faster..
and it's not like i don't know,brape bnyak mail in a day vanished or lost
because of their irresponsibility..was that even a word?
i know i complain a lot but i'm just sick of a lot of things..
you spend every morning looking at the window in ur room wondering when will
this crap ever going to end..and you put this fake smile in ur face..
just to make u believe everything will be better again..
walking the road listening to every song there is in your playlist as loud as u
can just to get urself taken away for awhile..
and you see this pizza ad that you wish so much you can share it and have
it rite away with the rite people..and you always observe the people u're talking to
because u want to know their reaction so much like an insane freak, so that u don't feel like they don't understand wut you mean.because it happens all the time.and u actually wait for people even when you're not that type..
and u turn when people is leaving because maybe they would want to say goodbye..
but they don't..it's weird in here..people just tend to just come and go without
saying goodbye..i mean i did that..all the time.. i say goodbye..
and everyone deserve one..
a simple 'see you tomorrow' or 'bye'..
it's not that i'm a psycho freak that suffer out of a goodbye disease but
sometimes it just good to hear people say that..like you matters to them..
wut am i saying..
and this always happen lately..like i'm in the middle of blogging and i don't know wut i'm saying..
shit!

and rite now i'm listening to big bang..i know! thet're hot..
wonder wut is really going on wit diana senior thingy..

it's saturday..
smlm i stayed all night at the libry..
bknnye stadi sgt ponn..ade so many interruption actually..
then today dtg lgi to this place ngn manisah..
i wonder why it took so long..
she's printing something by the way..

anyway yesterday was so dull..and today too..
tetibe je dpt msg dpd diana yg bjet konfius ar nk kuar ke x ngn babad..
aku suroh je ar die kuar..big deal..
it's not like it's a date or somthing..
anyway, u know aku just check out this book yg aku found in the libry..
it's an english novel..wutever i know wut a geek..
ok fine.. aku pinjam buku tue because of the cover actually..
not because of the whole story which is i do not knoe yet because i'm
only starting to read it...
just now jumpe kwn izu.. my old classmate yg genster..
prangai die pon mcm izu gak.. sgt bsing..
aku worried actually about the chemistry tutorial..
so difficult, tak tau nk tnye sape..
i'll try doing it myself..
wutever..

ow my god! can't believe i'm actually worried about a tutorial..
wut am i?! i got to get a life..

waiting till it's done

ok..
so this is the day in the week yg aku finally dpt online..
so, this morning g dectar coz of some reason aku gagahkn
dri pegi jugak walawpon aku malas..

anyway a lot of things been going on this whole three weeks..
ntah aku try tue just stay as fine as i can be..
it's weird sometimes..
i don't even knoe if i knoe myself anymore..
wutever this is just a phase..
malas nk pikr..

so last weekend aku manage bli forever princess the ninth book..
excited giler nk bce buku tue..micheal is so hot!
atleast life aku takde lah pathetic sgt with that book..
so today kitorang have to culture bacteria and actually
measure them like micro2 small..

bacteria tue jatoh kat tgn aku mase aku pkai that stick to
pull it from the agar..aku freak out gle..takot aku die out of bacteria
infection je mase bacteria tue land kat tgn aku..aku tros masokkan
tgn dlam dettol..pastue lecturer to ckp dettol untok meje and slides je,don't use that, use the antiseptic hand wash..pastue bru la aku dpt betenang
after merasekn yg tgn aku da slamat..
huh! wut a moment..
and mase aku nk rinse tgn aku, aku terenjis kat this
guy yg aku da lame prasan mmg bajet..
anyway aku terenjis kat buku die and die tenga tulis that time and die
cm jerit...hahahaha..
i was like ''sorry, gottago''
which of course i'm not sorry and i'm not rushing anywhwre..
tue las sape suroh bjet..
da la bgi formula salah..
ow my god giv me a break!

and bacteria..
u know they are all beautiful creatures..
and ironically they're around you..sometimes i just wish how
much i can live like the bacteria..
perhaps people won't get to hurt your feeling all the time
and you have nothing more to think about other than reproduce..
and you're so beautiful..

aku cm excited the first day to lab..
aku get my life busy ngn books..
atleast ko get to feel ktinggalan if ko tak read ape2
dpd buku microbe in a day..
adelaa jugak bende len yg ko bley feel..
wutever..wtf?
wut i'm talking about..

aku pon tak tau asal aku nk sgt all those comics everywhere..
i mean i used to read them tpi takde laa obsesive cm skang..
maybe because i wish so much yg life aku cm dlm that comic..
people read it because life is not a comic..
they wish it would be like real life tpi bukan..
comics will never be real..
not even the character..
people love to believe it's real but it's not..
and they just put themselves there..in that world..
pathetic but that's fact..
people like me..

anyway i'm glad things are well for my friends..
i'm happy for them..
for nadia..maybe she found the people that speaks the same mind..
and waheeda, she seems fine..and farah..

they just deserve it..
wutever i'm tired..
let's call it a day..

today,tomorrow..wutever

tuesday as usual schedule mmg packed..microbe punye class aku cm tunggu mase je nk kene sound..totally can't get my eyes open..serious shit ngantok..kang tak pasal2 kne halau..dr. asmat cm ade this aura yg menakutkan like there's this vibe when u look at her as if she's saying 'don't mess up with me, in my class or u're so going down girl'..funny but i feel that way everytime she enter the lecture and everytime she started saying ok 'google'..

mmg ar die okay je all this while tpi i dunno..it just happen that she's so menakotkan..any way class start at 8 and mmg kitorang tak eat anything smpai one o'clock..the last class was english academic communication..
so far ade la a few classes yg i'll always remember..

cm general chemistry..the prof speaks in malay tpi ok kowt die ajo, if u really pay attention..he hav this like opinion about stuff yg happen in the world and kind of express it in the lecture..turns out to be hilarious sebab he tend to be very sarcastic most of the time..
and then there's english class and the lecturer are so full of color and funny..

she hav this melodramatic tone like a total drama queen material when she speaks and she likes making fun of people..
one time during the lesson we were ask to tell everyone our fav animal and of course i don't have one and i could not think of one..
u know, me and animals..
never work out..
anyway here's wut happen..it was my turn to tell the class my fav animal..
n then i said 'i'm sorry i could not think of one, because i don't like animals'..
n she goes 'well then u have to forfeit'..
then i went 'why'..
n then she said 'because u have to have one, okay sing a song'..
and as i was thinking about that 'my all' by mariah carey the whole time because of the mood, i just sing a few lines and that was kind of embarassing but it works for the whole class not to laugh and she thanked me because of the song..
she's funny though..


and then there's this kemahiran membuat keputusan as course wajib in the list that u have to choose one to pick..i only pick that to complete my credit hours and it can accomodate to my schedule..wutever..we spent about 2 hours learning how to make a decision..
yeah seriously..i was complaining the whole time because i don't think there should be a subject to make a decision..
i mean come on! u have to learn how to make a decision? and from that two hours today the only thing yg get into my head is two words rational and kognitif..
that's all i can remember so far..i mean i think i made the wrong decision entering decision making class..but the prof was nice and very rational like the thing he taught us..

anyway i have alot to study..rase cm da lame plak tak bukak buku..
today is tiring..da laa..mati aku klaw lecturer aku bce neh..

ok.. so here i am..it's 8.20 a.m in the morning..people yang usually
know me musti tenga wonder wut i'm doing being up this early..slalunye time cmni la waktu tidor aku untill 12 tpi not rite now kowt..
to be honest,why does that happen?
well let me see, i've been sleeping the whole day yesterday becoz i'm so damn bored..
tetibe rase cm pathetic loser plak..being alone in the room, no friends..roomate tenga have a blast of time kat mid yesterday, and all aku buat is sitting in my room sleeping and wondering why i'm so pathetic..

deep inside i feel so alone..maybe because i'm not use to this yet..slalunye kat matrik tak cmni..hell god knoes bile aku will meet the rite people..get in touch jap ngan nadia and die pon bru bgn tido at that time coz takde org bwak die g mid..
we're in the same shoes, i guess..and she keep giving me this crap about 'weh, we're fun in the inside, i mean at the end of the day, kte musti get the most frens'..
sejok sket ati die ckp cmtue..

she's always so confident about everything that's happening..so real..it gets weird in here bile your roomie cm get things really working for her withs this perfect life, perfect schedule no hw..tido umah kwn, and takyah bajet duit..

die ajak aku gi jgak semalam tpi aku on a tight budget..nak bli the black book, pay for notes lgi, i don't think that's enough to go to mid just to have fun..duit loan lom kuar plak tue..this people should knoe wut it feels like to be a student yg in another minute would die out of boredom sbb diorng fail to understand the importance of giving the loan earlier..

after suboh je, i can't get myself to sleep anymore because i might have eye sore because excesive sleeping..gi basoh baju gne mesin yg amek duet aku 2 ringgit..and then suddenly die tulis kat situ 'air dry'..wut the hell is that..pastue aku ingat the machine is making a big mistake and then aku turned off the whole thing and start all over again..klaw that thing gets haywire mmg aku punye fault laa.
i try asking mk cik cleaner yg pkai suar pendek kat situ..da laa die tak dengo ape aku ckp..she started going:

mkcik: ini kenapa ya, baju dalamnya jatuh2 di sini..aku slalu angkat..

me:mkcik,..

mkcik:enggak enak sih jika dilihat org laki2..aku juga perempuan..malu sih..

me:mkcik cmne,-

mkcik: enggak ngerti aku, bdak2 ini, sudah kapan kali aku bilang, jaga bajunya..

me: hmmm..takpe la..

mkcik: apa kamu ngomong

me: cmne nk pakai mesin ni..mmg patot kuar air dry ke?

mkcik: nggak tau sih aku..basuh tgn sja aku..

atleast i do have a conversation with one person..i wonder how my clothes going on..lapo gile..jap lgi terpakse laa aku mkn bende yg 'sgt enak' kat cafe tue..
ape je yg ade..at nite ade laa sizzling yg ntapape tue..bende tue pon ko panggil sizzling..ingt sume bende yg dlm pan besi sizzling ke? or shud i say, mee halus yg kembang ko panaskan dengan cendawan beso cmporkan dengan telo hancor yg melekat-lekat tue..

and i still wonder knape evryone eat that..people are so weird..
klaw bgi kat tini tue musti die ingat tue dog food..bdak tue da laa cm food critics..
hari tue aku nk mkn soto n die buatkn la aku soto, aku toleh kt tmpat tue aku nmpak die bkak bungkusan tue n kurangkan nasi impit aku..total freak! and it cost rm2.50 for a soto yg ko bley kire nasi impit die..sekali napas teros abes..puri pujangga
konon..more like puri pathetic..ow my god! i'm so dead klaw penggemar p.p read this..

and lame gile aku tak online..kat sini susa nk dapat intenet excess..bengang dow..
i wonder ape yg weed and tini and diana tenga buat skang..weed tenga hav fun kowt sbb die cm ok je kat situ..tini musti tenga delete org dpd fenster die, so bjet famous..diana musti tenga hafal 32 nerve yg ade kat tgn human..and bce buku anatomy..well ape2 pon ana da nk blah gi endon..i wish her luck..i miss this place..

got to check my clothes..