to a friend

dear friend,

it's been a while since i know you..

we kind of grow closer..not so close but closer..

n how i wish for that never to happen..

i wish at that time where we were becoming closer,

i wish somebody could just freeze that moment and tell me to go back because i was making a mistake..huge mistake..and end up regretting it..

which wut i feel now..

to tell you the truth,i thought it was okay and better when i knew you as one of my aquaintance,not someone who is always around but as an aquaintance..

it was better then..at that time knowing you as a person that i know from far was nice..

atleast u never hurt me and make me think so much back then like now..

in fact,

u never hurt me when i knoe u as an aquaintance..

u make me think, and feel like i do not matters in ur eyes like the other one of ur fren..

and it is not such a big deal for me but it hurts when i do take u as person that have to be appreciated..

atleast at that time i do appreciate you eventhough u don't have the same respect for me or my feelings..

i do..

i treated you as a human, and as a friend,not because of being nice or because it is
ethical, it is because u're a friend

to me..

and i know it does not matters to you on how i feel because its obvious that u don't treat me as if i'm in your circle..

u make it clear that i was not in your close circle, and i get that because u're not in mine too..

just the fact that i treated u like a friend..

being there all the time and sometimes letting myself become vulnerable to let you in..

it was the biggest mistake that i've made because i'm not vulnerable or decent..

i'm difficult..

so, incase u kind of not know that fact..

well, this letter is for you..

i mean it from the bottom of my heart..

i regret being that close to you..

i do..

we were better of being aquaintance..

perhaps it shud stay that way..

from:

an aquaintance

tell me about it

so today i've been doing all the things i've used to do since i'm home..

wake up at 4

watch some tv

online

watch some more tv

get some food

and i also ate some magnum..

ok let me giv u people some reminder before u eat that ice cream..
besides the expensive price of it, u might also consider sharing it with some one because its so cholocolate rich or milk rich n u will have that jelak taste after some rounds of devouring it..

it cost rm3.80
or 1.90 per prson..
so i guess thats why it is expensive for an ice cream, because it is meant to eat once or for sharing wit someone else..

i've watch xmen the movie, the first part today on star movies n yeah hugh was always that hot since then..

a couple of weeks ago i've watch the origin of wolverine at the cinema..
it was ok.. not as gud as the first,sec n thrd part of xmen but atleast u get to watch all the hot guys..

there's evn danielle henney..the only asian i guess..he hav that obvious asian face when he act among the americans..n yeah hugh is still hot..lov his claws..
so yeah it was fun..

n hugh kisses n get to make out with his gf on the show which turn out to be a total fraud because she was actually force to make logan fall for her in order to save her sister..

n hell yeah logan pissed off..i almost cry that part..it's like coming to realise that the prson u love is faked n he thought something was there but there was nothing..it's just something that the gurl was force to do..ow i'm getting emotionally involved..

don't get me wrong i hav never experienced anything like that before...
just the feeling of seeing it..

owh and there's just a lot of malay drama crap on tv..
i wonder when will they start making gud shows or even
finding atleast a person who can act..

it's like full o crap..so cliche..i dunno why did she wins best actress
for that festival..merepek gile..hellloooooooooo..ni bukannye the same film..tukalah teknik lakonan woi! n farid kamil the same goes to you..

to that person please do some more homework..it's not that u're not gud enuff it's just that u were never gud for me..
okay..
n one more thing i've seen one of ur film punye press conference just remeber that mmg la kite bole hold on to our religion tpi still be modern tpi not by going to nightclub u moron..

n tolong la jgn nk ke hulu ke hilir stressing on what u believe in because try to make more research n think more okay..bkn sume benfde yg ko sokong tue betoll..
helloooooooo..there's a reason knape film ko kene banned..

wutever..just think people..bukannye aku suro korang buat admath chapter last yg cm siot tue..cme pk je ape yg ko hold onto slame ni btol ke..

more plans

okay so here is my plan for the mean time..since i'm broke, n jobless, n bored..here is what i'm planning to do..

1. atleast finish this korean series of cinderella man before next week..(thre's kwon sang woo n u knoe how hot he is)

2.try to figure out how to react when my mom started talking to me..becoz my sister already give it in n now i'm left with my own battle..i'm going to continue this 'fight' with my parents..anybody got a problem wit that..

3.job hunting(tomorrow)

4.try asking mom about my driving license eventhough i'm still not talking to her..

5.damn it! i dunno wut is 5...


okY so that's all i can think about..

i hate my life

it's never over

okay so here i am..it's almost 1 o'clock in the morning and
all i can feel is like writting..there's mosquitoes everywhere..

so i've just watched grey's anatomy 3 hours ago n cristina is having a hard
time..she's chosen for the solo surgery which then turned out that she can not
perform it coz u knoe last week episodes where there's an issue about the intern that causes her to be punished and it's clearly not her fault..
so she has to choose one of the residents to replace her..
i don't knoe why but i totally get her situation..it's so hard on her because
she deserves it, she deserves the surgery more than anyone but she can't perform it n then there's all this people coming to her telling how much they deserve to be there..

n everyone was so selfish..nobody knew wut it'll felt like..
i just hate the feeling of enabling to do it but you're just can't because of the circumstances..i knoe it is probably not the same thing but i have always
felt that way..like i want to do it so much but i can't..

so here's wut happen recently..i runned out of money..see i'm broke n i'm jobless
so instead of getting a job because i tried n there is no vacancy in this old town, ther's only pictures of najib, i decided to sell my own food..
fine! i knoe it's barbaric for me to make food but i'm trying ok..i'm trying to run
a bussiness n eventhough nobody seems to be excited about it but i am..
so unless u people out there can get urself to stop laughing about it u better shut the hell up..
a lot of people have been giving me a not so encouraging words about that but did that stop me? NO!!!

ok so here how it turned out..i didin't sleep the whole night trying to figure how it will go n in 6 hours i've found a way to sell my food by making karipap n sell it infront of the house..so early in the morning i struggle myself off making the dough n the fillings..it was hectic i have to say..my dough was kering and it took me the whole day trying to make the 30 pieces of karipap..but i was eager to make atleast
30..so it was difficult and exhausting to roll the dough trying to get the required shaped.. n voila it work..it wasn't the best karipap u've seen but it looked normal n it taste okay..
TRUST ME! it did..

so i started to fry the karipap at 5 o'clock in the evening..and then i put 30 piece of it in the container..i spread the tablecloth on my dad's favorite kayu jati table n put the 3o-pieces-karipap container n there was a note '3 kpg seringgit'..
so my parent have just returned home when they saw the table n the karipap..
so let me just spill this out..they were pissed!!
like totally angry!!!!
in rage!!!
like there was a dog who chewed his leg..
or a very dangerous insect or that big sephia devouring his car..
i dunno..big deal!!
n he was yelling..saying who did this and he knew it was us..me and my sec sis..
n we ignored him n continue to fry some more n started our business..
he was so angry that it turned out that we can not sell it the next day..
it just come to my sense that it wasn;t about the kayu jati table, or the business it was all about him..he didin't trust me of doing something right..it's about his judgement towards the business like it would not sell n it's ridiculous..

i was damn pissed!!!!!!
it's not about making food it's about the bussiness..
n eventhough there is only 9 pieces of it that sells, it was something..
something for me..
he did not even take a look at it..
the karipap..

he's just an old person whgo is being sceptical about stuff..
and rite now, i want to make food n sell.i feel like doing it so much but i can't..
n why the hell is that?! ow he owns the house!!!so he just get to control everything!
including my life!

now i'm not talking to him..
wutever it's not like he can control that..he doesn't even care..
even when i'm back at home i still have this feeling..like u want to do it so much but u can't..
i thought i only felt that back in college..n look at me..i'm 19, broke, unemployed n bored at home..maybe i shud burn this place down..

grey's anatomy

okay..rite now, for this very momen it'll be nice to talk about grey's anatomy which i'm watching rite now..
so i feel horrible n i'm going to talk about the drama series that i watch all the time..
so the thing that u people have to understand is the fact that i watch grey's anatomy..
n why i'm loving it so much, well there's a lot of reasons..
it's always about surgery..always intense..it can be either surgery or ur in love with an attending or cheating, screaming and running in hospitals..and the best thing is that i love watching smart people kick ass..
they're sometimes inspiring to watch like a bunch of ambitious, smart people make it through the day..i just love the idea..

cristina will always be hardcore and funny with no bedside manners, while izzie keeps on getting emotionally involved in evry patients case that she's handling..n then there's alex n mcdreamy kindda hot..with meredith whinning n goerge being the obedient boy..
i know i'm not making any sense rite now but i guess the whole idea of people wearing lab coats really draw my attention..

my boring life...

so it has been very boring this whole week and a couple of weeks back..
i've been to the mall watching movies and the bowling alley
and watching tv like evry single day and the
whole thing was boring..i don't know,everything are like so boring..
i knoe nobody understand, it's just boriing..the mall, the movies the television show the 9 hours sleep..the whole thing..
so here wut happens.. i was at the mall to catch a movie with pida, n then we were fighting because non of us agree in the same movie so
we decided to watch this horror movie..

then after a long 2 hours of being in the cinema, we went to delifrance to get some snack which is not a snack after all because we end up having spagethies because pida want to try it and so i agreed.. n five minutes later, the two of us actually doze off on the table in the cafe..for the first time in my life, i felt like sleeping instead..i don't knoe why.. the whole thing was boring.. and both of us have to agree..n we start to laugh about it and taking pics instead..

how can a movie n a spagheti be so boring..God knoes..n we went to the bowling alley n i discovered that pida really has wut u call it 'the throw'..her hands like totally awesome when she's doing the throw..n i ask her how did she do that n that she went like 'i don't know, it just happened'..n of course she knoes wut happens
she's just pretending or whatever she is doing..n so she's like the new shalin zulkifli..

anyway i've been watching a lot of television lately.. i don't know why.. i just watch it because it's in front of the couch and i am a couch potato so i watch a lot of shows..
n it has to be mention that there are completely nothing good in malaysian television so far that i can see.. the drama n the shows are full of crap..n then again i thought to myself, where did the millions of ringgit goes when u said tht the show n drama takes milions of ringgit..where did it go..does it go to the bad actor or actress that u hire or to the bad script or perhaps to the story line that does not make any sense n full of cliche..

i wish someone can tell me that..because i'm a fulltime viewer that can not stop complaining about what i see in tv and i'm bored to death watching ur shows n drama..
it cause us 100 ringgit a month for astro n wut we get is a whole bunch of crap..
n yeah i'm distatisfied n i'm whining about it..so unless u have a better plan in solving that, u better burnt the television stations in malysia that causes millions of ringgit DOWN!!!

so there are a few things that i kept watching..i've been watching the boys over flowers u know the korean version of meteor garden..grey's anatomy..two and a half men, brothers and sisters some movies n yeah friends..

so the korean version of meteor garden was okay i guess..the first episode i watch is episode 17 n i was really bored at first i thought because i've been missing the whole beginning part.so i've watched in youtube..it was okay actually..n then there's grey's anatomy the whole season in youtube..

that is all ive been doing do far..my boring life..tomorrow i'm going to p.j at my sisters house..who knoes something gud will happen..untill then i'm bored in writting too..so bye bye