i have just gone through some pictures from people's pages..

i mean from people's facebook..

of kos la the people yg aku knal or used to see..

fine aku xde facebook..wtever i tot it was stupid..putting ur face up there and then say the stuff yg people will comment..

wtever.stupid..

anyway as i was saying, i've been flipping through people's pics..
the pics of people around yg aku slalu nmpak berlegar2 socializing kat cafe like a bunch of losers..

yeah they like belong to a clique..

which u know, the sort yg sanggop nk tunggu masakan panas nk dekat satu jam
and then socialize ngn a bunch of people and then have these weird expression like they don't even know wut they're doing..

bullshit..all of it was bullshit..

bgi aku baik ko masak megi dlm bilek dpd ko melangok tak tentu hale
dudok kat kafe smpai mini mart tutop..
or just read a book will ya..

and the stuff yg korng been doing, it's not cool..

okY..

it's not even cool to hang out with seniors or wutever..

stop being some sort of senior gang like it's something in..

it's not..

it's a waste of tyme..

find ur own life man..

and bagi aku lelaki yg pegi karaoke is damn gay..
it proofs enuff..

and klaw da tau baju ko singkat tahap nmpak cleavage, go buy a new one!!

disgusting tau tak cleavage all over facebook..

maybe i'm living for myself or maybe i lead a dark pathetic lyfe but atleast
i'm not being superficial and hang out with seniors..

okay..

i have just the entire scenario of wut's really going on out there..for the first tyme i actually know..

and tolong lah jgn nk berpolitik, mcm it's so cool sokong the people or the party yg korng rase betoll..

korng bru fes year kowt..rilek suda.xyah poyo ar nk berkempen skali..

u don't even know wut it's like..or wut's going on..

halamak annoying dow aku tgk !

i was standing infront of the mirror.
looking into myself..
clutching my bag with me..

this is me..this is my life..

and it is so dull..
nothing..
just flat..

and then i said to myself..

'mendatar, mendatar, mendatar sabrina'..

i don't know wut happen.. i just don't get it..

i pull myself and make my way through the pavement..

how 'exciting' is this..

yeah very exciting..

i walk and walk untill i reached the corridor of the second floor..making my way passing each room..and i stop at the room 222...

i opened the door, and there she was,

lying on her bed..not opening her eyes..

and it's still the room..then seperate me from the real world..

it will always be just me and my spot, mu bed, my study table..

it's the same scenerey every now and then..

the same smelll.

one day when i really get tired of this, perhaps i'll just bury myself out and burnt this whole place down..

and then i stood on my bed wishing for a miracle to come..

i am a big liar..
a liar..
that's wut i am..

and sometimes it's unavoidable..

i make things up a lot of tyme..
just to make things more lively and fun..

i invent stories,

just to see wut people would think the climax will be..

i'll survive with this one..

i will.

trust me..
believe in me..

i will

stupid

just got back from the libry..

okeh aku macam totally kenyang.

i was riding the bus just now lepastuh ade karaoke yg pkcik tu pasang..
mestilah rock kapak jiwang. cm lah korang tak ley guess

ow my god aku rase roomate aku dah hilang akal..
die nk gi slimming program yg cost seratos enam puluh tu dow..

wut the hell is she thinking..nk tolak bajet mkn malam lagi..
n then that guy in charge sarankan die minom air like 6 litre a day..
aku rase produk tuh MEREPEK..

i told her a lot of tyme..
die betol2 determined beb..

she's still calculating..

there's this tyme where u just get so sick of explaining stuff to people..
like they caN't read or fail to notice wut is between the line..

just like that 'satu hati due jiwa' movie yg A.Rzak mohaideen buat..
ntah..why can't people see that it's some sort of mockery..

merepek gile dow!!
tolongla, smpai bile industri filem malaysia nk maju!!

buat ape ko nk buat filem about that..
ko ingat diorng having fun ke living a life stuck together like that!

for the eleventh tyme, tolong lah buat homework and pikir betol2 before ko habeskan another million on some stupid project..

why people have these much of money anyway..
brape bnyak lagi penyakit yg ade kat dunie ni yg masih belom ade obat untuk
cure kan these disease..
why don't put money on that!!
i am so pissed of people yg membazir duit on something yg totally MEREPEK..

howh my god!

i hate this industry so much..

u got to be kidding me..

alah aku benci lah org yg tertibe dtg interrupt!

halah nk be honest to people pon susah lah
these days..

i'm going to be a liar smpai bile ek agaknye..

this is torcher..

damn

wobble

my heart is beating like hell..

this is it.

esok presentation.
infront of the whole kuliah..

aku bley die out nervousness..

cmne klaw something happen..

cmne klaw die tnye soalan yg aku tak tau..
aku sgt berdebar..

aku da bace sume but i'm still worried..
cmne klaw sume org tgk aku..
wut if i die out there..

tlg laa!!!

i'm hyperventilating..

i can't breath..

i'm so doom..

da lah bnyak gile drama yg happen along the process of making the presentation..
this is just overwhelming...

i can't do this..

nape ni sabrina!

okay skang nk kene bace balek wobble hypothesis just in case i don't make
a full out of myself..

suddenly aku rase cm aku plak yg wobble..

that's it..that's just it..

aku rase i'm going to kill every single people yg name karim..

and aku rase cm nk bako sume tuna mayonaise yg ade dekat 'BILLIOn'..

i had it.i had enuff..

n then aku rase cm nk bunuh sume pekerje yg angkat telipon kat undrgraduate financial centre..

n then aku rase, aku rase, abang cafe yg buat burger and bako ikan tuh perlu tau
yg aku ade crush on die..

this is difficult..my life is difficult..

maybe aku patot mengaku je kat sume org skang yg aku xde secret admirer..

howh my god..this is killing me..i can't lie anymore..

and aku rase aku patot ckp je kat dat gurl yg aku rase balak die keling..

kann senang klaw aku bole ckp cmtuh cmne aku ckp kat diana yang lipi itam..

okay i'm studying for my presentation in genetic code..
god. this is harder than i think it is..

cmne ni..

and i still think that he's a moron..

may god bless me..

dear mr. x..

dear mr. x,

sometimes i think u're a moron..yeah i do think that..
i dunno wut are u trying to say ever since u enter the lecture hall..
you always describe the stuff that is not in the topic for that day and you never explain in detail wut do you mean in every statement u said like that tyme when u said that the mitochondria is actually inherited by our mother..does that mean that the genetic material from mitochondria is inherited from our mother or is it that we have a mitochondria the same as our mother..i'm still trying to figure that out..

i'm still trying to figure that out untill now..do you really have a problem in explaining that because as far as i'm concern its really ur job to make us understand..we're the student and you're the lecturer remmber? we pay like almost a thousand and a half for just some lesson that we're not very certain of the understanding,. i pay and i hope to see results..

anyway, i was pissed today to find that i never simply understand a thing u said, so i know that i have to go to the libry again to make things clear and i wonder again wut is the point of going to ur lecture..listening to you is like listening to the channel rtm that i always switch off when i arrive to the channel, and perhaps i hate tv becos of rtm..yeah. so don't make me hate the subject because of you..
and one more thyng i don't even know ur name..sometimes seeing u standing there infront of everyone is like seeing an 8 year old giving a lecture..this is rather harsh but i don't care..i don't care about you.. i care about my education..because i love myself and my fantasy and dream of living in a 6 room apartment..i love money and apartment..yeah u shud know that. u're crushin the dream of a nice girl who have a bright future..

wutever..i know by thinking that u're a moron will not solve anything but i wished for thing to be easier for me..so u try to figure things out before even steping inside the hall..

check mara xsampai lagi..damn i'm broke...
not exactly..just it would be nice to have some money now..

so atlast lecturer molecular biology and titas masok jugak atlast..
hah..and it turned out yg lecturer titas aku sgt hilarious..i was flipping a few pages about the organization of genetic material in eukaryote when i come to realise that i'm not spiritful enuff to continue reading that..

i really nee that spirit that i used to have when i study something..i'm still trying..nape ntah mlm ni rase malas sgt..isit gap je..nk kat 10 kali kowt gap..
okeh lecture molecular biology mcm freaky..he like ask u evry single detail thing that we have learnt in matrik..mcm yesterday die tnye wut is a genome and he wants a different answer for evry single people yg die ask..and he also thinks that english is a stupid language..yeah he thinks that..

he even states some words in english to prove how stupid it sounded..so my lesson had just started and there's mid exam a couple of week from now..

aku plak masih terabe2 dlm kuliah molecular biology..and then there's genetic where i have a problem with the lecture..

yes i have a problem with your lecture mr. x..
i just don't feellike doing anything tonite..

have you ever see, listen or watch something that was not such a big deal but people take it so seriously that its like something big..

but it's not.it was never something...it's just an average cream pie that
you can get from the bakery, never the apple creme bule that was way better than a pie cream but this pie cream draws a lot of attention that you begin to wonder.

why is it?

what is it?

an you question yourself evry now and then why does it stays in the bakery from the very beginning..
becos it does not belong there..

it's nothing, just some dough you bake and put some cream all over it..
th cream pie tastes so wrong and you feel like it was a mistake..the whole thing was a mistake and yet people love it so much..

and then you begin to feel that the world was wrong too and that you're the only one that think you were right, but this tyme you were infact very certain about it..

and then u begin to feel sick because everyone thinks it's so great..

u know that kind of feeling was all over me these days..

why are people so blind..
why can't they see throug the dough..

was it difficult..

are they blind..
yeah i think so..i think people can be blind sometimes
and there's totally nothing that i can do to make them see that..

for everyone that is still blinded by the situation, come on grow up.
i know u better that, i mean i now you're blind but i believe that blind is just an illness that can be cure..rite?

i dunno..this is malaysia by the way..but nobody is going to decide for me what does it taste like, because i can see the truth about the cream pie with my very eyes..

i don't care about you..i don't care even if people think that it's cool or even if i look like a total moron hating it but for me the stuff that you do or struts, the thiongs that you say, the life that you told people about was absolutely nothing but just another drama..and infact it was too much of a drama..

you're not fake maybe but you nothing other than just a painful thing showing infront of my face..

you're a like a bottle of expired milk and i feel bad for you..
gudluck you guys on figuring that out.

damn..aku da try nk access kat page diana tapi tak bley..

asal ko nk private weyh?
ko ingt ko bole jadi perahsie tetibe ke?

okay..i've been very bbusy..people come here all the tyme kowt..
semalam my sis tido sini,today nazia dtg lagii..

bile evryone left rase empty sgt..
it's tyme to start all over again and move on..
i guess that's what i'm good at..

ntah laa.lately i've been getting sick of myself yg isit lie around..

i'm sick of lying..

aku, sabrina for the first tyme,

feeling sick of lying..

aku lie a lot and i'm just sick of it..

ntah laa..it's hard to stop you know..

for one second i just wanna be honest with people including me..

shit.

why does it have to become this way..